Burnout, Over-Functioning, and Learning to Ask for Help: Rebekah’s Story | Healing Heroines

Rebekah Jordan's story isn't one dramatic moment but rather a series of seasons, some marked by beautiful momentum, and some by very real collapse. As a lifelong educator, student, and explorer who spent decades teaching students of all ages, Rebekah shares with Chandler what it took to walk away from a school she founded, what it looks like to over-function in silence, and the small rituals that have helped her find her way back to herself.  

Click 'play' to hear how her journey unfolds...

What You Will Learn

• [00:07:30] Growing up where the filter was never "will I be able to," but always "let's find out"
• [00:12:30] What she was really searching for when she drove cross-country — and whether she found it
• [00:22:00] What breaking down in the Eisenhower Tunnel taught her about walking through the doors that open
• [00:31:00] What nervous system collapse actually looked like when she hit her breaking point
• [00:37:00] What she wants the woman who says "I'm fine" when she's not to understand
• [00:40:00] What over-functioning looks like in practice — and what it costs over time
• [00:45:30] Why resentment lives in the envy category, not the anger category
• [00:49:00] The small rituals she's built to create real transition between work and the rest of life

Resources Mentioned

• Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown

Let’s Connect!

Rebekah Jordan

LinkedIn | Instagram

Weekly Newsletter: Subscribe to The Bridge 

Chandler Stroud

Website | LinkedIn | Instagram

Happiness Academy is now Healing Heroines, a signature space for women who are ready to feel more grounded, more peaceful, and more aligned — inside and out. 

Download a complimentary Healing Roadmap to discover our Past, Present, and Possible framework.

Want personalized guidance for your healing journey? Book a call with Chandler!

Mixing and editing provided by Next Day Podcast.

Transcript

Chandler Stroud: [00:00:00] Hey guys, it's Chandler, and welcome to The Healing Heroes. I promise you I'm Chandler Stroud, an executive, wife, and busy mom of two, who after years of living with anxiety, health struggles, and an unshakable feeling like I should be happier, made a profound discovery that changed everything. Join me on a journey where unexpected paths lead to [00:00:30] healing and more happiness.

Chandler Stroud: On this show, we'll explore unconventional ways to unlock more joy in your own life with the help of my very own healers and trusted advisors, the Healing Heroes

Chandler Stroud: Hey, everyone, and welcome back to the Healing Heroes podcast. I'm your host, Chandler, and today I'm joined by another healing heroine, a woman who discovered her path through hardship [00:01:00] using her own circle of support, her own hard-won wisdom, and a whole lot of courage to confront the places where she was getting in her own way.

Chandler Stroud: Today's guest describes herself as an explorer, and I think that word says everything. She has explored places, people, ideas, careers, and perhaps most importantly, herself. Her story isn't one dramatic moment. It's a series of seasons, [00:01:30] some deep striving, some of beautiful momentum, and some of very real collapse, and what she's learned along the way about asking for help, letting people in, and creating rituals that return her to herself, I think it's gonna land for so many of you out there.

Chandler Stroud: Before we dive in, let me share a little bit more about today's guest. Rebecca Jordan is a lifelong practitioner in the field of education with [00:02:00] decades of hands-on experience working with both families and schools. Having served as a teacher, educational administrator, educational consultant, family advocate, and school founder, as well as being a parent herself, Rebecca truly understands the personal nature of education and how to navigate when things get tricky with school.

Chandler Stroud: Currently, Rebecca is the founder of Crossbridge Education Consulting, using her knowledge and [00:02:30] experience to further her mission of eradicating school stress for families Rebecca, welcome. I am so thrilled you're here today. Thank you for joining us on the show. 

Rebekah Jordan: Thank you so much for having me, Chandler. I am already tearing up listening to you describe my story, so I think we're in for some really good conversation, and probably these are not the last tears I will shed today.

Chandler Stroud: I mean, I actually have to say, I don't know that I've ever made it through [00:03:00] a heroine episode without shedding some tears. It's just so moving to, like, see women in their power speaking their truth, talking about some of the most difficult seasons of their life. But what's so inspiring is how they found a way through and are now living this life of joy and purpose, and I think so many of us can learn from those journeys.

Chandler Stroud: So I just- I'm really grateful you're here. Thank you for being so honest, open, vulnerable with us today. And as [00:03:30] is tradition on this show, I always love to start with just a fun warm-up question. So just to get us started, Rebecca, what's one thing bringing you joy or steadiness this week? 

Rebekah Jordan: I live in the Berkshires.

Rebekah Jordan: Mm. And this time of year, there's, like, one week out of the whole year where every single shade of green exists on the trees, and this is that week, where you walk outside and there are colors you can't name, and everything that was [00:04:00] buds last week- are leaves now. And so it just feels like you're stepping into this, like, jewelry box of gems.

Rebekah Jordan: J- I don't even know. Th- you're stepping into this magical, magical space, this magical world of lushness and life and fresh air, and there is no way for that not to feel renewing every time you step out the door, so. 

Chandler Stroud: I love that. Thank you for [00:04:30] bringing spring in the Northeast alive for all of our listeners today.

Chandler Stroud: And yeah, I'm seeing that in Connecticut, too. It's really beautiful, the sense... I mean, all five of your senses truly are activated walking outside right now. It's so beautiful, and it just really brings you back to the present moment. And, as we talk about a lot, really elevates that moment of beauty and that is so difficult to notice in our fast-paced world.

Chandler Stroud: So I really appreciate you bringing that example. Thank you. 

Rebekah Jordan: Yeah, [00:05:00] absolutely. I'm appreciating the Berkshires. 

Chandler Stroud: Now I wanna get into the heart of our episode and kind of go back in time a little bit, back to the beginning of your story. You have described yourself to me, when we've chatted in kind of lead-up to this episode, as an explorer, and I'd love to know when you first felt that word fit you.

Chandler Stroud: Was it something you always knew inside, or did you discover that over time? [00:05:30] 

Rebekah Jordan: I don't know as I u- would've used the word as a very young girl, but when I look in the rear view mirror, I picture little me, who would walk around the shelves of our public library or walk around the, the stacks in our public library, and I would just be pulling book after book after book out of all these different sections, and I'd get to the checkout desk with a stack-

Rebekah Jordan: that was, like, 13 to 15 books high, because I [00:06:00] just wanted to dive into all the worlds that were out there. And so I think when I look back, it's those moments. It's being able to spend hours lying in my backyard looking at the same patch of grass and trying to just understand the worlds that were contained in that one little square.

Rebekah Jordan: So whether it was a very small space or me looking outward into the stories other people were telling, or later as a teenager exploring my [00:06:30] wanderlust and choosing to take some time off from college to go drive around the country because I felt like I didn't even understand the space we were, we were living in.

Rebekah Jordan: I was learning all these huge ideas, but felt like there was a lived experience that was missing from that. I think all of those things collectively capture that essence of being an explorer. I've never been afraid to try new things, and that's where some [00:07:00] of my favorite surprises in life have come from.

Chandler Stroud: You grew up with parents who never said, "You can't," or, "Girls don't." What was it like to be raised that way, and what did it give you? 

Rebekah Jordan: It made me feisty. I grew up in the late '70s and '80s, and so I had the, this nightgown, and I can still remember the, like, polyester fabric vibe of- Oh my gosh ... the nightgown.

Rebekah Jordan: Can't we 

Chandler Stroud: all? 

Rebekah Jordan: Right? You're gonna remember exactly what I'm talking about. But I had one that just said, "Anything boys can do, girls can do better." [00:07:30] And while I don't necessarily believe that, like, you know, whatever, I'm a little bit more equitable in my philosophies these days, but that tells you a lot about the household I was raised in and the philosophy that was there.

Rebekah Jordan: And I think your original question here was, how did that shape me? It was a much more experimental mindset of I didn't have to... I don't remember ever putting things through the filter of will I be able to? [00:08:00] It was always through the filter of, let's find out what happens. I will be able to. Let's, yeah, let's do that.

Rebekah Jordan: Yeah, let's do that. Yeah, let's do that. And any limits That I placed on myself when I was younger was more about what did I want to be taking on that day. So I think about going hiking and being like, "Yeah, I could probably tackle that more complicated trail, but I feel like being on the riverside today, and so let's go do that hike."

Rebekah Jordan: And so [00:08:30] I, I think I was able to tune myself to self-awareness much younger than many people are able to. And along the way, other things complicated that, and we'll get to that. And I was also grateful that I had parents who ... I've never asked them about this. I should. But they put up parameters. I- whether it was because of my intrepid spirit or just because of that was how they wanted to provide structure in our household, so [00:09:00] I could never really go off the rails, right?

Rebekah Jordan: I remember some crazy ideas that I threw at them, and they were like, "Nope, that's a hard no. You're not getting in the car and driving to Ohio this weekend. Nope." So they probably saved me from myself more than once, because in my head, anything was possible. I just had to go do it. 

Chandler Stroud: I love that. On that note, you did share a story with me about learning ballet, and that your mom kept you in it well past the point it was [00:09:30] working.

Chandler Stroud: And I'm just curious, what do you take from that memory now, further reflecting on it? 

Rebekah Jordan: I take from that memory the fact that My parents were never going to stop me from doing something that brought me joy, even if it wasn't going to be something that brought me accomplishment or a future or an X, Y, Z. I think those sorts of things, [00:10:00] and, and just for the listeners, I, I kept myself in ballet, right?

Rebekah Jordan: My mom- Mm-hmm ... and dad supported me to stay in ballet long past the point where I was ever gonna have a future career. That sentiment was what helped me understand that there is purpose in life beyond outcomes, and it's okay to do things just because. And I'm really grateful for that. I'm really, really grateful for that, [00:10:30] because while I lost my own insistence on creating space for those things at various points in my life, again, I've never questioned whether it was worth doing something if it wasn't gonna turn into something.

Chandler Stroud: That right there is absolute gold. I think we don't hear that enough. I don't think that's reinforced enough, especially for women. And I think the spirit of what you're saying is such a, an [00:11:00] important reminder for all of us, especially the parents listening too, 'cause I think the way our modern world and culture is evolving, I think we're losing the plot a little bit on that.

Chandler Stroud: And I love that you brought it back so eloquently and tied it back to that experience with ballet. So thank you for sharing that, and I hope your mom is touched by that message, 

Rebekah Jordan: because I certainly was. Thank you for sharing. 

Rebekah Jordan: Thank you for [00:11:30] asking about it. 

Chandler Stroud: Yeah. I just... I don't know. I think the way that we're brought up is so influential on who we are as adults, and I think to a degree we know that, but I don't know that we stop and really reflect on just how much that, like, child part of us shows up in our day-to-day in the present.

Chandler Stroud: And I just, I love that you kind of helped us go there. So thank you. Moving a little further into your story, you mentioned earlier in our conversation that you took [00:12:00] a semester off college because you knew something was off, and I will tell you, that's a brave thing to know, let alone act on. Can you describe your inner world at that point and what was happening in your life?

Rebekah Jordan: I was working at a theater on Cape Cod. I had an internship for the summer, and the reflection time I had to be away from school and doing things with purpose and passion, right? Where I [00:12:30] was a stage management intern. It was really incredible to be out there working in an equity theater and working with all these incredible actors and professionals and Tony winners, and it was amazing.

Rebekah Jordan: And as the summer went on, I started realizing that I was dreading going back to college. I was falling apart a little every time I thought about it. Again, thankful for [00:13:00] that self-awareness that was noticing the tears coming up, noticing that, like, lump in your throat, noticing that tightness in my chest of, "I just, I don't want to."

Rebekah Jordan: And I didn't force myself to understand why. I just listened to it, and I'm-- remember calling my parents and saying, "I don't wanna go back to school I wanna drive cross country. I wanna explore the world, [00:13:30] right? Here it is coming up again. And my parents, to their credit, set their boundaries, which was, "Okay, we can talk about that, but we've already paid for the fall semester, so you're going back."

Rebekah Jordan: Um, which good on them for holding that boundary, and I think somewhere along the way, they, they asked to make sure that that felt safe and... Right? Like, I d- I don't think they were pushing me into something that was going to be unsafe just because they'd put down tuition. But [00:14:00] they, they basically said, "Well, we've paid tuition, and then also, what's your plan?"

Rebekah Jordan: And when I think I said, "Yeah, I wanna drive cross country. I, I went with a dear friend of mine. Here's my plans." And they were like, "Great. How are you paying for that?" Right? It was a very clear, "You can do this. Here's, here's what we'll support. Here's what you can do." And I ended up finishing that semester.

Rebekah Jordan: P.S. I loved the college I went to. This was not about I'm in the wrong place. This [00:14:30] isn't right for me. It was a, a much more internal, like, I'm, I'm exhausted. I think right now, if we were to go all the way back and take everything we know about bodies and nervous systems, we would be calling it burnout or adrenal fatigue or, or, or there's a, there's a lot of names we might be able to go back and put on that space that I was in.

Rebekah Jordan: But I knew I needed the space away to be able to go back. This was about me saying, "I need to [00:15:00] breathe so that I can re-engage." And somehow I knew that, and- Yeah ... I listened to myself, and that's exactly what I did. And I took a semester off, and my parents graciously allowed me to move back in with them with only a few fights about things like curfew.

Rebekah Jordan: And- ... you know, I nannied. I worked in a restaurant. I did all sorts of things to be able to save up money, and then my best friend and I put [00:15:30] 14,952 miles on her Jeep that summer, driving around the country. 

Chandler Stroud: Tell me about that summer. What were you really looking for? 

Rebekah Jordan: This is gonna sound strange, maybe. I was looking for home.

Rebekah Jordan: I was looking for the places where my soul feels safe and where my soul sings, and I think I was looking to get out of my brain and back into my body.[00:16:00] 

Rebekah Jordan: We're just gonna keep doing it All right. Goddammit. 

Rebekah Jordan: I mean, I've never... I don't know that I've ever felt more seen than somebody saying, tr- like, articulating their own experience and seeing mine played back. Yeah. God, that's really beautifully said, and I understand 

Chandler Stroud: exactly what you 

Rebekah Jordan: mean. 

Rebekah Jordan: Yeah. 

Chandler Stroud: Did you 

Rebekah Jordan: find it?

Rebekah Jordan: Oh, God, did I find it? Yeah. I, [00:16:30] I found it in so many places, and I think that was the most beautiful thing, was because I, I didn't know what I was looking for. But I found it waking up at 5:00 in the morning as the sun was coming up in Bryce Canyon in the campground, and leaving my 

Rebekah Jordan: friend in the tent, knowing that there'd be coffee and eggs waiting for me when I get back, and-

Rebekah Jordan: and hiking for four hours by myself through the aspens and these sacred grounds. And I say sacred grounds because, [00:17:00] you know, the National Park Service was not the first people to exist in that space. And I found it being a part of that, and allowing myself to not just observe these places, but become part of them.

Rebekah Jordan: And I found it in the hills of the Smoky Mountains, and I found it in smiles of coffee shop baristas. And that is still one of 

Rebekah Jordan: the most special experiences of my life, because I [00:17:30] came home so deeply rested, 

Rebekah Jordan: despite the number of times we set up and took down a tent that summer, and the number of youth hostels checked into, and all of the miles put on the car.

Rebekah Jordan: And, and, and I just had space to exhale, and I had been going full out, I think since I was little, 'cause it was what I knew. And I'd been using my brain so heavily to create things that other people were asking for. And [00:18:00] that summer, I got to create poetry that my heart was asking for, right? I wrote very bad poems about constellations- Mm

Rebekah Jordan: and sunsets and, you know, dew on grass. Pages and pages and pages of journals filled that just came from holding a tin cup of coffee, sitting on a rock, listening to water, and noticing the difference in the vegetation on a [00:18:30] hilltop in Carmel, California, depending on whether it was north-facing or south-facing, and learning the names of trees I'd never taken time to meet before.

Chandler Stroud: Beautiful. And, and you said, and Colorado. Your car broke down, and you stayed because people were nice. I absolutely love that, and I will let you share this part of your story yourself. But what does that story say about how you've made some of [00:19:00] your biggest decisions in life? 

Rebekah Jordan: So Colorado, we are fast-forwarding, fast-forwarding maybe three years from that road trip, four years from that road trip.

Rebekah Jordan: And I was teaching middle school English in a charter school in Boston, and for a whole variety of reasons had decided to uproot myself and go to move to a new city. I was gonna seek a teaching job in San Francisco, and [00:19:30] did I have one lined up? No, no, I did not. But I had the full confidence that I would find one.

Chandler Stroud: That's the explorer coming out again. 

Rebekah Jordan: Yep, that's the explorer, and the like, "What do you mean I can't do this? Of course I can." And so we were driving cross-country, and I was driving my 1985 Ford F-150 white pickup truck, three on the tree, super old school, and it broke down in the Eisenhower Tunnel, which is on the [00:20:00] Continental Divide.

Rebekah Jordan: It is a very long, we're talking miles long, tunnel. It is not where you want to break down At all. Because traffic is speeding by at 75 miles an hour, and there's no shoulder. There's no... Right? It's two lanes. It's a tunnel. You're, you're in it. So the catalytic converter on my truck went. The police get there very quickly 'cause there's cameras in the tunnel, and they, they get to you very quickly, which is great.

Rebekah Jordan: [00:20:30] And my car got towed down to the next exit, which happened, thankfully, thank you universe, to be a place where my traveling companion and I were gonna be stopping anyway because- Mm ... it, he knew people down there and, um, had old friends from high school. So we got our truck, my truck towed down to the bottom of, the bottom of the hill, which just means all the way down the mountain pass and to Silverthorne, Colorado.

Rebekah Jordan: And [00:21:00] I was out, we were waiting for the truck to get fixed, and I was out walking in a neighborhood one day, and every person who walked by or drove by smiled, waved. It's like, "Hey, how are you?" I was... I had been living in Boston. People do not do that in Boston, and it just felt so warm. And when you were talking about me exploring and driving cross-country and what I was looking for, I think it was a moment where I felt home in the faces of these people who were [00:21:30] smiling and being kind and welcoming.

Rebekah Jordan: And Summit County, Colorado, is gorgeous. It was summertime. It was green. The mountains were stunning, and I just said, "Let's stay. Let's stay." And we stayed. I got a tutoring job and a coffee shop job and a waitressing job and another waitressing job and cobbled it together. And 12 [00:22:00] years later was when I finally left Summit County, Colorado, after starting a business, founding a school, building a community.

Chandler Stroud: What did you learn from that experience, Rebecca? 

Rebekah Jordan: It was the idea that you just lay down the path and walk through the doors that open that feel like the right ones to walk through and it, and not get so locked into, "But the plan was," that you miss out on, "But the magic could be." [00:22:30] 

Chandler Stroud: Hmm. I love that. Rebecca, while you were in Colorado, you started a school.

Chandler Stroud: Can you tell us about that chapter, what you were trying to build, and what ultimately happened with it? 

Rebekah Jordan: I, first of all, shout out to The Peak School in Frisco, Colorado. It is still there. It is still doing amazing things, and its kids, its graduates are out in the world also doing amazing things. So, super proud of the people who are there and, and have been there.

Rebekah Jordan: It's a, it's a pretty special place. [00:23:00] So that school grew out of what I would call my My first baby, I started educational consulting and tutoring company called Colorado Learning Connections a few years after I landed in Colorado, and it was an outgrowth also of just saying yes. I had worked for earlier a tutoring company that had closed.

Rebekah Jordan: I had families that said, "Can you do this? Can you do this?" And my answer was always yes, and [00:23:30] sometimes that meant I needed to figure out how to do that in the next 24 hours. And I never said yes to something that was truly out of something I should've been offering, but that explorer in me says yes, and it's exciting for me because then I get to learn a new skill.

Rebekah Jordan: Then I get to learn a new process. Then I get to learn how to help this student take an independent Algebra 2 class while also at the public high school while also... Colorado is deregulated in terms of education, which is part of what has made this whole story possible, because you are [00:24:00] able, in Colorado, to do a little homeschool, a little public school, a little private school, and- 

Chandler Stroud: Cool

Rebekah Jordan: merge things together in ways that you can't in other states all the time. 

Chandler Stroud: Okay. That's helpful context. 

Rebekah Jordan: So that learning center grew into kind of a mini lab school for a lot of kids who needed something different in their paths. And so we worked with a lot of competitive athletes or kids who were in therapeutic programming and [00:24:30] needed a way to continue their education while they were getting the treatment they needed, or just learned differently, and were these brilliant- Hmm

Rebekah Jordan: curious souls who wanted to explore the world in a different way, and we were able to provide that for them. And along the way, people continued to say, "When are you gonna start a school? When are you gonna start a school? When are you gonna start a school?" And I always gave them the same answer, which was, "When you find somebody to do the business and development side of [00:25:00] starting a school," um, to work with me.

Rebekah Jordan: Because I, I knew that I could absolutely build out the curricular pieces, the teaching team, work with the students, all of those pieces, and I knew that I could figure out the rest of it. But somewhere, thankfully, I knew well enough not to... That I didn't have the capacity and bandwidth to do both simultaneously, especially because one would've meant giving myself a master's degree in the, [00:25:30] the financial and development side that I didn't need to have at that point in time.

Rebekah Jordan: And so one day, a parent came to me and asked the question, and I gave my stock answer of when you find somebody who can do this side, and he said, "Oh, well, I just sold business X. I can do that." I was like, "Oh, shit. I guess we're starting a school now." Just called my bluff, right? And it was the best bluff I ever could've been making, because somewhere inside, I, I think I knew what a joy that would be.

Rebekah Jordan: [00:26:00] And- Mm-hmm ... I had been thinking about it since Boston actually, since a conference I went to where I got to understand a lot more about progressive education through some workshops and went, "Oh What those kids are doing and how they're showing up in the world looks so different than anything I had ever experienced, and that became something that I really enjoyed studying and learning about and putting into practice at a small scale, and the opportunity to do that [00:26:30] at a larger scale was really exciting.

Rebekah Jordan: So along with this, this husband and wife duo and a lot of really wonderful, committed individuals in Summit County, Colorado, spent the next two years building The Peak School, and that was my s- third baby. In between, I had my human child, who is, is wonderful and an integral part of the story, too. But I built out The Peak [00:27:00] School with that team and had meetings around my dining room table with students and teachers, and some of whom stayed with the school, some of whom just stepped in for a, a brief season.

Rebekah Jordan: And I was fortunate to have Colorado Learning Connections because I had these groups of willing students to be, like, imaginary classrooms for teachers who wanted to interview for teaching positions. Hired a couple of really incredible, gifted educators who still [00:27:30] remain very dear to my heart as our first two- Hmm

Rebekah Jordan: our first two teachers. We started with two teachers, myself, and 23 kids, and it was a really... It was powerful. It taught me a lot about building an airplane while flying it. It wasn't my first time doing that, but it was probably the highest stakes time I had ever done it. And we started in an old, the old defunct Colorado Mountain College building, which is now the [00:28:00] library in Breckenridge.

Rebekah Jordan: We were there for one year before we bought an old newspaper building in- 

Chandler Stroud: Cool ... 

Rebekah Jordan: Frisco. And that- 

Chandler Stroud: Amazing ... 

Rebekah Jordan: that's where the school still is. 

Chandler Stroud: That's an amazing story. You say it like, "I just started a school," but, like, we got a, a little bit of a glimpse into the different elements and things that needed to happen to make that possible.

Chandler Stroud: So I mean, just kudos to you. That's a serious undertaking, but clearly something that has left a lasting legacy in the state of Codo- Colorado, so thank you [00:28:30] for that. I hate to fast-forward 'cause 12 years in Colorado is a lot of ground to cover, but I know there's so much left I still wanna talk to you about.

Chandler Stroud: I wanna go toward the end of that chapter in Colorado and when you decided that it was time to leave that school because when you and I spoke prior to this interview, you mentioned that it was the hardest thing you've ever done, harder than childbirth, harder than starting two businesses, and I'd be remiss not to ask what [00:29:00] made it so difficult for you.

Rebekah Jordan: It was difficult in so many ways It was difficult because I was walking away from something I thought I would be at for decades. It was difficult because I was walking away from people who put their trust in me and, and some people who by that point had signed on. By the time I left, we had, you know, a teaching team of six teachers and getting closer to 100 [00:29:30] students, and teachers who signed on and said, "Just promise you're not going anywhere."

Rebekah Jordan: And, and I knew that in leaving I was breaking some of those promises, and I had to have some really hard conversations with families who I'd known for, at that point, over a decade, who had similarly come on board not just be- because they believed in the philosophy of the school, but because they believed in me, and we had a relationship, [00:30:00] and they trusted me.

Rebekah Jordan: And I would not have left on whimsy. I, I trust that deeply. I really committed to the people in my life and the projects in my life But along the way in that last year, I would say I had a philosophical split with some controlling members of the board of the school. Um, 'cause at the end of the day, even though I was the school founder, [00:30:30] I was an employee of the board of trustees.

Rebekah Jordan: And there was a lot of tension and a lot of conversations about direction and how we were gonna present ourselves and what the next steps for the school were going to be. And ethically, there were things that I didn't feel like I could continue to sign my name on, but didn't have the power to- Yeah ... not do that.

Rebekah Jordan: It was a, it was a real space of powerlessness. I f- just for the sake of [00:31:00] everything, those ethical concerns are not concerns I have anymore, so for the sake of the school and anybody who might be listening, I just wanna put that out there. But I had put everything into the school and run at such a high degree of capacity, and don't think I realized at the time that I wasn't giving myself time to rest in all of that or- Mm

Rebekah Jordan: time to reflect in all of that. It felt like things were moving [00:31:30] so fast, especially with some of these board splits, that if I wasn't staying right on top of it all the time, I was gonna lose footing. I was scrambling every day. Well, also, yes, I was the head of the school, so I was teaching classes, I was supervising faculty, I was mentoring kids, I was guiding curriculum, I was hiring because we were growing every year in terms of curriculum and teachers, and we had just bought a new building that was in renovations.

Rebekah Jordan: All of these things were going on simultaneously, and I wound up in a [00:32:00] space of just sheer nervous system collapse. Oh, and I had a, I had a child at home. I had a, like a- 

Chandler Stroud: Yeah, let's not forget 

Rebekah Jordan: that- ... a 

Rebekah Jordan: toddler ... 

Chandler Stroud: guys. 

Rebekah Jordan: Yeah, a toddler who I was 

Rebekah Jordan: like, "I guess the iPad's raising you again today." We've all been there.

Rebekah Jordan: And yep, who has a e- my said child, who is wonderful, has a great dad, but we were sharing custody, so when he was with me, I was a single parent, and exhausted, but I didn't know it. And I will have to look it up and send it to you [00:32:30] after this, but I was just reading a report this morning about how people when they, especially high-functioning people, when they are in overwhelm, they actually often feel more positive about their situation and more confident and more capable and perceive themselves as being happier than when nervous systems are out of overwhelm.

Rebekah Jordan: Interesting. And so I'm curious about what was [00:33:00] happening for my nervous system there. And when I actually got to the point, I, I think I knew throughout that year I was reading some writing on the wall about some of these ethical splits and philosophical splits from the board, and had quietly and gently started looking at other jobs and had one that came up and was offered to me back east closer to where I lived.

Rebekah Jordan: It was where I had grown up. It was in Connecticut. And went out and looked [00:33:30] and, I don't know, again, there was nothing logical about that move. Mm-hmm. But I trusted that it was-- it felt like the right move, and I had to check myself a few times and be like, "Is this just an escape hatch?" Right? But at the end of the day, when I sent my resignation letter in, I sent it late in the afternoon, and within a few hours, there were three moms, who will know exactly who they are, who showed up at my door, who had helped found the school [00:34:00] and, and they showed up at my door I think their intention initially was probably to talk me out of this, but when I tell you that they, they came upstairs in my house, and I was in sweats, and they sat in my living room.

Rebekah Jordan: And, and Chandler, I was sitting in the back of my couch in the fetal position, like knees hugged up to my chest, hood up, right? Grown woman at this point, and just in such a protective stance and, and crying. [00:34:30] And I remember saying to them, "You don't understand. I have nothing left. I can't fight anymore," and just sobbing.

Rebekah Jordan: And I've-- I don't remember ever being that broken and truly feeling like I was a washcloth that you could not have squeezed one more drop of water out of if you just kept wringing it and wringing it and wringing it, that I had put all of my best water into this project, and it had just gotten [00:35:00] squeezed and squeezed and squeezed.

Rebekah Jordan: And some of those women became heroes in that story. They... One of them, I came home from work the next day, 'cause I got up the next day and went to school, 'cause- 

Chandler Stroud: As women do, 

Rebekah Jordan: right? That's what we do, right? And, and put on a smile and just showed up for the kids and my people. And I, I came home, and one of the women had gone grocery shopping and just left three bags of groceries, my [00:35:30] dining room table with a little note that says, "The fruit and whatever else is in the fridge, and we love you."

Rebekah Jordan: And I will never forget that kindness It wasn't asked for. I would never have asked for it because I got this, even though I clearly did not, and she didn't ask. And this, PS at Summit County, Colorado, everybody leaves their doors unlocked all the time, so like she would... She, she just like walked in. She knew like there was stuff.

Rebekah Jordan: Of 

Chandler Stroud: course. She knew 

Rebekah Jordan: you. Right. Like, there... A- as I'm thinking through the story, I'm like, [00:36:00] "That's really funny. Anybody listening to this is gonna be like, 'But how did she leave the groceries?'" It's because nobody locks their doors up there. 

Chandler Stroud: I understand, yeah. 

Rebekah Jordan: And so just, like, that kindness, I think, was somebody putting a little bit of water back in the washcloth, right?

Rebekah Jordan: And just being like, "We're gonna help sustain you through this." And it didn't matter to her that I was leaving. All that mattered was that there was a broken human in front of her, and she was able to, like, do something to help [00:36:30] heal a little piece, so. 

Chandler Stroud: That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. It's really special to have a tribe of women who show up for you in that way.

Chandler Stroud: Something as simple as getting groceries can be the difference between what feels like life and death in those moments, so. 

Rebekah Jordan: And what feels like deep, deep aloneness. 

Chandler Stroud: Yeah, isolation, yeah. For those listening who might recognize themselves here, the woman who says, "I'm fine," when she's not, who holds everything together while [00:37:00] quietly cracking underneath, what would you want her to understand?

Rebekah Jordan: It doesn't get better unless you do something about it. It does get better, but the only one who's gonna push pause for you is you. Other people might cue you in, but the only one who can push pause for you is you. And there is no benefit that outweighs the cost to [00:37:30] your soul, your spirit, your body when you push past your breaking point.

Rebekah Jordan: Pause before you think you need to. Refill your cup before it's empty, and ask for help if you are stuck. When those women showed up at my house that night, not one of them would've told you I was struggling before they walked in that door or before they got my letter of resignation. I don't think anybody would've known 

Rebekah Jordan: how much I was breaking in the weeks and months 

Rebekah Jordan: ahead of [00:38:00] time.

Rebekah Jordan: Nobody would've known I was looking for a job. Nobody would've known that I was waking up in the morning in a panic about what texts had happened overnight. What had I missed? What was I behind on? What didn't I know? What didn't I understand? Who had gotten out ahead of X, Y, Z? What race was I losing before I knew I was in it?

Rebekah Jordan: Nobody would have known because along the way, while I could tune in well to myself- I had also taught myself [00:38:30] that I was capable of handling things and I n- I needed to handle them. My, my identity had been built on being accomplished, capable intelligent, the one in the room you would look to to solve the problem, and I hadn't yet learned that people wouldn't stop trusting me if I admitted what I didn't know.

Rebekah Jordan: That lesson didn't come till later, and so I didn't ever let anybody know what I didn't know, and I didn't ever let anybody know where I felt I was falling behind or falling short. I [00:39:00] had this world sitting on my expertise, and I can look back now and know that there are people who tried to gently help me see that.

Rebekah Jordan: Their two-by-fours might not have been big enough. Um, but yeah, gosh, I wish I didn't have to learn that lesson that way. 

Chandler Stroud: I think that's such a universal experience for women, I have to say, whether they work outside the home or inside the home. Like, I just, I really feel like this is going to resonate deeply with a lot of women listening right [00:39:30] now.

Chandler Stroud: And I know now you do work with parents who are often over-functioning in your work. Can you describe what that pattern looks like, what you often see, and what it costs people who live like that for too long? 

Rebekah Jordan: Yeah. I'm overgeneralizing a little, but generally it's moms who fall into this pattern. Mm. Who it's, it's one little thing that they start doing for somebody else.

Rebekah Jordan: It's, you know, picking the laundry up off their kid's floor because their kid has [00:40:00] a test the next day or wants to go to a sleepover. It's saying, "Sure, honey, I can, I can grab your dry cleaning even though it's on your way home so that you can stay late at the meeting." It's the, the mom with the summer schedule fully spread out all over the table- Mm

Rebekah Jordan: trying to figure out how she's gonna drive to this place and that place and coordinate the carpools and da da da da da, and she's going out of town for two days, and the freezer is stocked with meals for her partner, and her [00:40:30] kids' lunches are pre-packed, and the field trip permission slips have all been signed, and the c- the rides have all been coordinated and, and, and, and.

Rebekah Jordan: She's doing it for a whole variety of reasons. Usually it's been a slippery slope of the, the things have just fallen, and she hasn't stepped back to take a look at the whole picture. Sometimes it is really something that brings a sense of meaning to know that she can help [00:41:00] provide for and care for all the people in her life, these people she cares deeply about, and it's a way to show love throughout these acts of service.

Rebekah Jordan: And unless you step back and zoom out, it feels, when you're in it, like functioning. It doesn't feel like over-functioning. But it usually hits a point where you're doing so much, you start to believe that this would all fall apart if you weren't doing it. Mm. And I watch these moms, sometimes their child has special needs, sometimes they don't.

Rebekah Jordan: Sometimes their child has a mental health [00:41:30] crisis, sometimes they don't. But I watch when that straw breaks the camel's back, and they are all of a sudden falling apart. And nobody around them has been given the opportunity to help, or the ownership to help, or the education to help, right? I think about a mom who says, "Well, yes, he could do his own laundry, but I'd have to teach him how," and the, the, the idea that teaching somebody else how takes more energy than just doing it yourself, right?

Chandler Stroud: Oh, that [00:42:00] resonates. Yep. I've said that before. Okay, we'll be rethinking that in the future. Yep. Thank you for this kick in the butt. 

Rebekah Jordan: Yep. And sometimes I just help moms think through that developmental checklist of, like, all right, increase their responsibilities once a year. Make it a Sunday, learn how to do a thing day.

Rebekah Jordan: Mm-hmm. One, one Sunday a month, you're gonna learn how to unload the dishwasher. You're gonna learn what cleaning a fridge looks like. You're gonna learn where we take the trash when we take it to the dumpster. [00:42:30] You're gonna learn whatever the, the next developmentally appropriate thing is, and then that can be built into their routines, and it's not gonna be done perfectly.

Rebekah Jordan: That's the other thing that happens with over-functioning is it's oftentimes we sacrifice our own sanity and our own space and our own ability to breathe for the sake of perfection or whatever perfection looks like in our eyes. But if I let him load the [00:43:00] dishwasher, I'm just gonna have to redo it. Mm. Or you could leave the bowls a little wonkadoo.

Rebekah Jordan: It's not actually gonna keep them from getting clean. 

Chandler Stroud: Yeah. 

Rebekah Jordan: They're gonna have to learn some of that on their, their own, right? If he doesn't know where this utensil goes, and I'm gonna find it in the wrong drawer, okay. But we hold ourselves to such high standards, and it becomes a mark of our own goodness, competence, that we forget that part of learning is doing things not [00:43:30] well in the beginning.

Rebekah Jordan: Mm-hmm. And what are we teaching our kids if we're s- or our spouses or whomever, if we're saying to them, "I can't let you do it 'cause you wouldn't do it perfectly"? That is not the message any of us wanna receive, and it's not the message we want our kids receiving. If we step back and think about, what message am I sending by- Yeah

Rebekah Jordan: continuing to do this just because you wouldn't do it exactly the way I would, or you wouldn't do it up to the standards? Like, if your kid cleans the fridge, [00:44:00] yeah, there's still gonna be a piece of spilled juice at the back corner that they couldn't get to. Yeah, and You have choices. You can either say, "Hey, let me know if there's something you can't reach," or you can say, "He cleaned the fridge while I swept the kitchen, and that meant we both got extra time to take a walk together instead of me never having t- So we have a slightly imperfectly cleaned fridge, but my kid and I got to go do X together- 

Chandler Stroud: Yeah

Rebekah Jordan: because [00:44:30] I wasn't so caught up in doing all the things." I'm getting a little off piste here, but- 

Chandler Stroud: No, I think this is really good advice for the women listening of how they can reframe these moments and opportunities to ask for help in new ways, and maybe challenge the belief system they're holding around things have to be done a certain way.

Chandler Stroud: And I think it's rare that we stop and say like, "Okay, like, so the dishes get put back on the shelf the wrong way, but at least [00:45:00] I'm not emptying the dishwasher, and I can live with that." But, like, I do think it's something that you have to interrupt the kind of normal routines of life and just make yourself aware you're making that choice in the first place, right?

Chandler Stroud: Versus just, like, going into autopilot of like, "No, it has to get done this way." Why? Challenge that. Why? 

Rebekah Jordan: Yeah. 

Chandler Stroud: Why does it have 

Rebekah Jordan: to be done that way? Exactly. One thing that was really helpful for me in coming to my own realizations as an adult about how I reacted [00:45:30] to things in my own household and ways that I over-functioned was, um, I was reading Brené Brown's Atlas of the Heart, and- 

Rebekah Jordan: Love Brené 

Rebekah Jordan: It's so good.

Rebekah Jordan: And she talks about when she went to explore the underpinnings of resentment. And she was talking to an emotional researcher, and she said, "I wanna talk about resentment. Surely that's in the anger family. Let's talk about it." And the [00:46:00] researcher, and I'm paraphrasing here, so Brene, apologies if I got this slightly wrong, that researcher said, "No, no, resentment is not in the anger category.

Rebekah Jordan: Resentment is in the envy category." And- 

Chandler Stroud: That cuts deep. 

Rebekah Jordan: Yeah. And I realized that when I was standing at the sink finishing the dishes, my wife is gonna laugh because I am rarely the one finishing the dishes, but, and, and she was off sitting, relaxing, reading a book, listening to a podcast, [00:46:30] if I was feeling resentment, I wasn't actually angry with her for not doing the dishes.

Rebekah Jordan: I was jealous that she was re- relaxing and I wasn't. 

Chandler Stroud: Mm-hmm. 

Rebekah Jordan: And that is entirely in my control. I can walk away from those dishes. I can walk away from that pile of laundry. I can say, "I have as much of a right to relax right now as every other person who is also making that choice for themselves." 

Chandler Stroud: Mm-hmm.

Rebekah Jordan: Right? So any [00:47:00] parent who has watched their co-parent come home, drop their bags, and say, "I'm going to the gym," and is resentful about that person's ability to just go to the gym, yeah, there might need to be some conversations had about, "Can we ask who's picking up the kids today instead?" But you have as much right as anybody else to take up that space.

Rebekah Jordan: You just have to say, "What am I actually envious of? If I'm feeling this resentment, what is it that I, that this person is getting to do or has- [00:47:30] 

Chandler Stroud: Mm ... 

Rebekah Jordan: that I wish I had, and how can I create that for myself?" 

Chandler Stroud: Love that. I think that's really good advice for those listening. I know we're getting to the end of our conversation, but I really wanna spend a few minutes talking about the rituals and presence that you found for yourself coming out of, you know, everything you experienced in Colorado, and now being so alive and self-trusting in your current life.

Chandler Stroud: So when I asked you in our [00:48:00] pre-interview, like how did you learn from these experiences, how you take care of yourself now knowing everything that you've just shared, and I know you talked about nature, music, quiet, staring at grass and flowers- ... and all of those things that bring you back into the present moment.

Chandler Stroud: I mean, you've built what sounds like a whole architecture of reset. But you also shared a few other things, some small rituals you do. You talked about transition inflections. You talked about visual cues. I'm wondering if you can take a couple [00:48:30] minutes just to give our listeners some advice of, around some of the easy, accessible practices that they can begin employing in their own lives.

Rebekah Jordan: Yeah. So I think when we talked before, one of the things I talked about was the act of building in, you said transition inflection, that's such a nice way of phrasing it, a space between work and home. And with so many of us working from home- Mm ... or so many of us who may not work [00:49:00] outside the home, but have a daytime and an afternoon, I think about a mom who may not work out of the home, whose kids go to school and then the afternoon starts, it's really easy to run from one thing right into the other.

Rebekah Jordan: And so for me, sometimes that looks like scheduling my workout at 4:30 or 5:00 PM so that I force myself to step away from the computer, and it goes in my calendar, and it's when I have [00:49:30] to go do that thing so that I have to change clothes. I have to get out of the clothes I was wearing all day, put on something different, and go take my dogs for a walk in the woods, or go lift weights or whatever it is- Mm

Rebekah Jordan: to give myself an actual break. And it doesn't mean I won't work later, but it makes that a choice. I'm not just rolling straight through, making myself a plate of dinner, eating it at my computer, and all of a sudden it's 10:00 at night and I haven't stopped staring at a screen all day. Yeah. Um, so things like [00:50:00] that are important.

Rebekah Jordan: I think about- One thing I really like to do for myself, especially in the colder months, is make a pot of tea. And I have a special cup that I put my tea in, and buy really nice tea. I like really nice tea. 

Chandler Stroud: Same. 

Rebekah Jordan: Yep. It really, it matters. And I try really hard to stay at the teapot while I'm making my tea.

Rebekah Jordan: Mm-hmm. And not just, [00:50:30] "Okay, pour the water in, set a timer. Great, I can answer two emails while the tea is brewing." But just that act of saying, "This is something I'm doing to nurture myself." You're s- you're smelling, right? We were talking about the senses. You're smelling the tea as it's brewing. You're watching the color change in the water, so you're not just relying on, "Oh, it's two and a half minutes, and that's when I take it out."

Rebekah Jordan: But you're like, "Oh, it's about to tip from flavorful to bitter. I know what that color looks like. I'm gonna take [00:51:00] the teabags or the strainer out." And the heat, anybody who's into therapy understands the, the DBT skills around temperature regulation and what changes in temperature can do. And so for me, just, just feeling the heat coming off the teapot is part of the experience of being present to it.

Rebekah Jordan: And hearing the tea as it's pouring out of the teapot into the cup, it takes [00:51:30] this act of caffeinating thyself and turns it into a ritual that is a moment that I'm spending with me about Something deeply grounding and present, and it doesn't take more than three minutes. I could be scrolling on my phone, I could be answering an email, or I could be giving myself an immersive three-minute meditative moment that doesn't require me to be a, quote-unquote, "good [00:52:00] meditator," which similarly I am not yet.

Rebekah Jordan: So it's those things. It's paying attention to what the different bird sounds are as I'm walking in the morning, and just how many can I hear? A lot of this makes me feel very woo-woo, and that's okay. I'll embrace my inner woo as I'm doing these things. Like, they're with 

Chandler Stroud: you, sister. Right? But, like, we have 

Rebekah Jordan: lost that sense of our body, so if I'm gonna circle all the way [00:52:30] back to the beginning of this conversation and did I find what I was looking for when I was driving cross-country, and the answer is yes.

Rebekah Jordan: Like, these embodied moments are where I still hold that same sensibility about coming home to myself. So any moments you can create where you can come home to yourself. It could be a song that you have queued up on your phone that is your dance break every time you have a great meeting, or [00:53:00] that photo of your kids on your phone to you're leaving your office building and you wanna remember.

Rebekah Jordan: Like, you have an alarm set so that you open your phone screen and you see those faces that you're going home to to help you switch your brain from work to home life, and not forgetting about yourself in between. 

Chandler Stroud: Yeah. I think that's the most important, and I'm so glad you said it. Rebecca, in closing, if you could sit across from the version of you who [00:53:30] was white-knuckling everything alone, what would you say to her?

Rebekah Jordan: There are helpers everywhere you look. There are healing heroes everywhere you look. There's that Mr. Rogers quote, "Look for the helpers," because they're there, and sometimes That requires a lot of trust. But if you trust yourself as deeply as you do to be able to be doing this all on your own, there is somebody out there who is equally [00:54:00] trustworthy, who can hold your story and hold your hand and help you take the next step.

Rebekah Jordan: And you don't have to do it on your own, but you do have to be willing to, to trust at least just a little bit that they can keep you safe. 

Chandler Stroud: So beautifully said, and such an important message for listeners, that self-trust goes so far beyond what we imagine it can support until we truly [00:54:30] lean in and learn to do it.

Chandler Stroud: I mean, it unlocks everything. 

Rebekah Jordan: And if we've been doing it for so many other people for so long, other people have the same capacity that we do. We are not empty vessels. We're, we're reciprocal, interconnected beings, and we are cheating ourselves and other people out of the gift of tr- fully knowing each [00:55:00] other if we don't lean into that interdependence and we just become the thing other people are depending on.

Rebekah Jordan: I wonder if we need to start phrasing things differently 

Rebekah Jordan: when we're- Mm-hmm ... offering help. If we need to just say, "I see how hard you're working." And I know how exhausting that can be or how- 

Rebekah Jordan: Mm ... 

Rebekah Jordan: XYZ or I so appreciate the effort you're putting into this. I'd love to be able to do something to [00:55:30] support you.

Rebekah Jordan: Can I take you for a walk this weekend? Can I buy you a cup of coffee? Instead of letting each other say, "I'm fine, I've got this." Yeah. Because we see each other. We know when we see somebody who's doing the same thing we've always done. 

Chandler Stroud: Yes. 

Rebekah Jordan: And we let each other... Because we know how it feels to be locked in that cage of, "I can't ask for help.

Rebekah Jordan: I- I've got this." It almost feels like a challenge to somebody's I've got this-ness- [00:56:00] Mm-hmm ... to imply that they don't got this. 

Chandler Stroud: Yeah. 

Rebekah Jordan: And we know what it feels like to be an I've got this person, and so I wonder if we need to just stop being so deferential and saying, "You can got this, and I'm still gonna show up for you."

Chandler Stroud: 1,000%. 

Rebekah Jordan: I see that you've got this, and I wanna take you out for coffee because I know how much sometimes we just need to, like, exhale. 

Chandler Stroud: Yeah. 

Rebekah Jordan: Yes. And then we can uncover the [00:56:30] layers of that person, where we might be able to provide some more support, and it might just be as simple as a cup of coffee. 

Chandler Stroud: Yeah. 

Rebekah Jordan: But I wonder if we need to push in a little bit more and stop asking so much permission to show up for each other.

Chandler Stroud: Well said. Mic drop moment. Rebecca, thank you. Truly, what you've shared today is both deeply personal but also deeply universal. I think so many women listening have felt that pull between being [00:57:00] capable and being held. Mm-hmm. And I think you did such an amazing and beautiful job of bringing that to life in such tangible- Just heartfelt ways.

Chandler Stroud: So thank you for being so honest and so vulnerable, and just speaking to your experience so meaningfully. I just, I'm really... I feel, I don't know. I, I actually am at a little bit of a loss for words, because I feel so seen, but also so moved. [00:57:30] If there's anything I would leave you with, it's I hope you write a book one day.

Chandler Stroud: Mm. I really do. You're so well-spoken, and the way you speak about your life experiences just lands differently than I've heard it explained in any other way. And so I'm planting that seed with you. I really hope one day to read your book. 

Rebekah Jordan: Oh, thank you. And as I was talking with you about home, I was like, "I should send Chandler the essay I wrote about finding home."[00:58:00] 

Rebekah Jordan: I knew it. So I will send that your way. 

Chandler Stroud: Yes, yes, yes. You know I'm all about homecomings. So I would love to read that essay. Love, love, love. Awesome. Thank you. 

Rebekah Jordan: I will send it. 

Chandler Stroud: Well, thank you again for being here. And to our listeners, if this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need permission to ask for help today.

Chandler Stroud: You can visit thehealingheroes.com to meet our heroes, explore [00:58:30] resources, and suggest future heroines for the show. Thanks for listening, everyone, and until next time, remember, be curious, be courageous, and be kind to yourself. You've got 

this. Gonna make it through.