Practicing Self-Compassion While Holding Yourself Accountable

Healing can be a frustrating, difficult, and discouraging process at times. When you're trying to progress one day but feel like you're regressing the next, self-compassion is often the first thing to slip through the cracks. In this raw and honest conversation, Hero and Accountability Coach Bonnie Heim explores how being kind, caring, and compassionate to yourself is an essential part of the healing journey.

Bonnie opens up about a season of burnout, emotional dysregulation, and the messy process of reconnecting with her nervous system. Together, she and Chandler reflect on the real work of tending to your inner world — not through perfection or performance, but through presence, softness, and truth.

What You Will Learn

• [00:07:15] Why extending compassion to yourself can feel harder than offering it to others
• [00:08:52] How to recognize when you’re dysregulated and what it feels like in the body
• [00:10:35] What it means to “co-regulate” with a safe person and why it matters
• [00:12:47] How to sit with and process difficult emotions instead of suppressing them
• [00:13:59] Why “nervous system regulation” should be a key part of healing work
• [00:14:56] How Bonnie recognizes when her nervous system needs attention
• [00:15:30] The moment Bonnie realized her inner critic was mimicking her fear of being a burden
• [00:17:45] Why trying to “fix” yourself can be a form of avoidance rather than healing

Let’s Connect!
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Bonnie Heim

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Chandler Stroud

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Mixing and editing provided by Next Day Podcast.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Chandler Stroud: Hey guys, it's Chandler and welcome to The Healing Heroes.

I'm Chandler Stroud, an executive wife and busy mom of two who after years of living with anxiety. Health struggles and an unshakeable feeling like I should be happier, made a profound discovery that changed everything. Join me on a journey where unexpected paths lead to healing and more happiness. On this show, we will explore [00:00:30] unconventional ways to unlock more joy in your own life with the help of my very own healers.

And trusted advisors, the healing heroes.

Hey everyone and welcome back to the Healing Heroes podcast. I'm your host Chandler, and today we are talking about accountability as the tool you didn't know you needed to cultivate more self-compassion. And of [00:01:00] course, whenever I talk accountability on this show, I do it with my accountability hero and friend, Bonnie Heim.

So I'm thrilled to welcome her. Back with us today. I'm guessing the idea of accountability, serving as a gateway for more self-compassion might sound slightly counterintuitive to many of the busy female listeners out there, especially those who have tried holding themselves to fad diets, new Year's resolutions and more.

But bear with [00:01:30] us because we're about to go deep on why accountability often serves as the first step in unlocking more joy and fulfillment each day. In very surprising ways. I like to joke that for me in retrospect, accountability was the equivalent of Mr. Miyagi's wax on wax off from the Karate Kid movies.

It didn't always feel like I was progressing or going anywhere if I focused on the individual days. But as weeks passed, [00:02:00] those small decisions and choices for myself were sneakily behind the scenes, creating levels of self-compassion and change, both physically and mentally in ways I couldn't see until more time had passed.

It truly was the foundation of the work that I did to heal on my journey with the rest of my heroes. So I'm very excited for today's conversation, but before we dive in, let me offer a quick refresher on Bonnie's [00:02:30] background for new listeners joining us today. Bonnie has changed hundreds of lives as a lifestyle coach with all in a program that focuses on accountability, one-on-one, personalized coaching, and tools that inspire a complete.

And lasting shift toward good health and fitness. After personally succeeding on the program, she was tapped a coach where her focus with clients is to build a lasting lifestyle through movement and clean fuel, and to help [00:03:00] readjust their mindset and approach to one of positivity and optimism. Bonnie, it's so good to see you again.

Thank you for being here. 

[00:03:07] Bonnie Heim: Oh, Chandler, I love anytime we get together and I'm really looking forward to our conversation today. 

[00:03:12] Chandler Stroud: Bonnie, we often think of accountability as something external, a boss, a tracker, a deadline. What does it look like when accountability comes from a place of self-love rather than self-criticism?

[00:03:26] Bonnie Heim: So we often think of accountability as [00:03:30] meaning something of like beating ourselves into being a better you know, person or better habits, or creating a better lifestyle. But today what I really wanted to talk about is what if we. Flip that script and think of it as an act of compassion. So what does it mean to hold ourselves accountable from guilt, not from punishment, but from deep self-awareness and and truly care, taking it from the inside out, whereas.[00:04:00] 

I want you to think it's not a report card, but more importantly the way I look at it and what I discovered personally is that it's more of a mirror to kind of reflect upon what's working, what's not, and what do I need when I hold myself accountable with compassion? And I love this word 'cause you taught me this word and I don't use it often enough.

I get curious, not critical, and I feel if we can normalize. Missing a [00:04:30] day or changing our mind or needing support and understanding that that's okay to ask for help. That's where the growth begins. If that makes sense. 

[00:04:41] Chandler Stroud: It does. No, I mean, I think that's right, and I love that you paired curiosity with compassion, because I do think that that is the key to unlocking that kind of self understanding and self-love when you just try to understand where [00:05:00] those drivers are coming from, those behaviors, those choices.

I just, I think information is power and you just see yourself in a new light. 

[00:05:09] Bonnie Heim: I 

[00:05:09] Chandler Stroud: think the 

[00:05:10] Bonnie Heim: curiosity is the key because for so many years, I know I personally went through life using the word I can't or I couldn't, or I'm not able to. And when you realize, you become curious, why is this not working for me?

Why am I perhaps. Not succeeding. When we [00:05:30] reframe that to what do I really need right now instead of what should I be doing or what I'm doing wrong, it kind of creates that space to check in instead of check out or give up. And you know, I always say it's not about being perfect, but it's about staying honest without shame or judgment or that negativity or that that little voice on our shoulder, you know, that's always coming at us.

Mm-hmm. So. 

[00:05:57] Bonnie Heim: Compassionate accountability to [00:06:00] me is caring about myself enough to stay committed and not throwing in that towel, not because I hate where I am, but instead I'm excited about and I love where I'm going, and I think that's really key. I always say, don't get too far ahead of yourself, but yet I want you to look toward that finish line, what your goals are.

I want you to be able to manifest the life you want to create, the habits you want to have [00:06:30] and the future that you want to live. 

[00:06:33] Chandler Stroud: I think to build on that, can you walk us through that shift from, I should be doing this to, I get to do this because I care about myself. Like what happens in that reframe? 

[00:06:44] Bonnie Heim: So I think if you reframe it as support and ownership and honoring your needs, not as a punishment for failing, but.

As a practice of staying connected to what matters most to you. So for example, instead of [00:07:00] saying, I didn't work out today because I'm so lazy, or I can't do this, or I don't want to, a self-compassionate accountability sounds like I didn't move today, or I didn't move my body today. So what got in the way?

That's where we get curious. Mm, did I re, did I need rest? Perhaps? Do I need to change something to make it easier tomorrow? What can I tweak in my schedule? What grace can I offer myself to understand that? I always feel, truthfully, [00:07:30] Chandler, there's a reason behind why we do things, so we need to become more curious and gentle with ourselves in order to create this lifestyle that we do indeed want to live, and that will impact our lives so positively.

That's the way I look at it, and that's the way I truly feel about it. 

[00:07:48] Chandler Stroud: No, I agree. I just, I mean, why do you think women especially struggle with this idea that being consistent means being harsh with themselves, [00:08:00] often beating themselves up to stay on track? Like is that something that's ingrained in.

Culture, environment, society, what they learned growing up. I mean, it's just really interesting 'cause I do get this sense that women are harder on themselves when they've missed a day, or when women fall off the wagon and find themselves struggling with being consistent. I just, I think they're, you know, I think we're so self-critical and I'm just curious where you think that comes from.

[00:08:28] Bonnie Heim: You know, I always say. [00:08:30] I'm very competitive, but I'm not competitive with others. I'm competitive with myself and, and I think most of us are because we want to. We are, I think of women as being drivers. I mean, we are the nurturers. We take care of everything. We have so much piled upon our shoulders, and I think if we understand, and what I always emphasize to my clients is it is okay to take a step back and catch our breath.

In fact, I encourage it. I think we need it. I think everyone needs [00:09:00] to understand that, you know, I was guilty of if I, if I messed up once I was done. I was absolutely done years ago. Mm-hmm. And oh, it's just not meant to be. It's just not for me. But yet it is. And, and when I have clients who are like that and, and have been speaking to themselves like that, that's been their inner dialogue for so many years, it's really hard to break out of that.

So how do we do that? We do that with baby steps and not looking too [00:09:30] far ahead, but. Leading with compassion, and that's where accountability does come in. Again, it's not about shame, it's not about guilt, it's not about punishment. It's about the support and the foundation underneath you to understand that one misstep does not blow your whole day or your plan or the intentions that you've set for yourself.

It's more so about just understanding that every move that we make. That, whether it's positive or negative, is a learning [00:10:00] experience. And from that, we gain the balance, we gain the confidence, and we understand more about ourselves. I always say this journey is more for your inside than the outside. Yes, it's a transformation completely in how you look at at workouts, at food choices, health is wealth, et cetera.

It's really more about understanding what makes you tick. And that's the most beautiful thing of all, because you understand and you come to really love [00:10:30] yourself so much more when you understand that it's okay, we're not perfect, we're going to take steps back before we take those steps forward. And I think that's vitally important for all of us to understand and most importantly, ease up on ourselves a little bit so that we're not, we're not the hammer.

Like we're not, we're not just always. You know, what am I doing wrong? How, why can't I do this? Right. You can and we will, but it's just gonna take time. And that's where you said with your journey, you know, personally. [00:11:00] You don't see, everyone wants the fast results. We all do. We want those, that, that, that bite of success and we wanna reach that finish line.

But it takes time and it, and we've been, we've had these habits and we've had this negative chatter perhaps, and we've had the dialogue with ourselves as to what we can and can't do. And once we come from an area of as I said, us utilizing like a mirror to reflect what's working and what's not, and taking a look.

Deep inside ourselves. [00:11:30] Then we come out of the other side, stronger, better, more balanced, more whole, if you will, and, and really ready to give from a place of love and care and support. 

[00:11:45] Chandler Stroud: I love, I love that you made the connection back to what you're ultimately trying to achieve, because when you can make that connection back to this is what [00:12:00] I want, and I love myself enough to go for these goals.

Even though I didn't get a workout in today, you know what got in the way? I love that question. Ask yourself why, what got in the way and have compassion for being human. You're allowed to make mistakes and loving yourself for even trying in the first place and figuring out ways to love yourself even better the next day.

Right? And not coming from that place of self-judgment. I think [00:12:30] that really is critical because that's where we start letting ourselves off the hook for being inconsistent when we maintain our focus and vision on the longer term goal and really anchor there versus. Being good or bad in this black or white interpretation of our actions.

Like there are gray areas and I think a perfect example, you know, I've been doing accountability with you and all in now for many years, six, seven years, [00:13:00] and there are days that I've had to miss a workout. I think initially fewer because I was in this mindset of like, you can't miss that makes you bad.

This is your goal. But especially this past year as I've. Worked to heal my self-worth. I've been much more flexible in allowing myself to say. You know what? There's something that I need to do that's more important today. Like when I was moving my family back into our house, and [00:13:30] you know, I already knew I was getting like 10,000 steps up and down stairs exactly, but I just had so much on my plate.

I knew I didn't want to beat myself up over. Also not going for a run in the morning. So I just said, you know, if I don't get the workout in this week. That's okay. If I'm feeling it, I'll do some quick yoga or I'll just count steps and that'll be enough and I'm gonna be okay with that. 

[00:13:56] Bonnie Heim: That's absolutely the key, and I love that you're okay with that because I'm [00:14:00] okay with that and, and that's what I will tell clients is we know you are active.

Like when you're on the go, when you're traveling. We can easily count steps when you're moving, as you were, when you're clearing out a garage, closets, whatever, going up and down stairs, active with your kids at their field day for school. Those are active recovery days. And I use the word recovery more for a mental, from a mental aspect than physical.

Mm-hmm. 'cause you're on the move, you are going nonstop. And especially at the end of the year, I have so many clients who are young moms and they are getting [00:14:30] kids off to camp. They are, you know refereeing field days. They are taking, they are running. Everywhere, nonstop. And I'm like, catch your breath.

You're doing fine. We don't need another mark. Another workout during the day, you're, you're on the run nonstop. So it's all good. And that's, that makes me smile because I was, I ha I have to the gym. I have to the gym. You. Workouts feel great, and workouts are my therapy and they, they are my release and I live.

I truly do love them and live for them, but [00:15:00] I can also now take a step back and understand that a walk with my husband on a Sunday afternoon is perfect. We like to call it a debrief. Anything that can help me mentally as well as physically, that's what a workout is about. And so when we offer ourselves taking our foot off that pedal for a little bit, that's when.

I think clients have that aha moment that, okay, it doesn't have to be an all or nothing attitude, and that applies in every aspect with regard to accountability, whether it, with our [00:15:30] program at least, whether it's your food choices, it doesn't, you don't have to be spot on perfect all the time because let's be honest, we're human and we're not going to be.

Same thing when it comes to our workouts. Same things when it comes to hydration, caring for our kids. We're gonna mess up at times and then we're gonna be like total champs on other days. And that's like, that's the winner. You know, like, was I, when you rate yourself as a mom, did I get a 10 today? Maybe not, but I got a seven and that's pretty good.

You know, I mean, you know, one kid's gonna give you a seven, the other's gonna give you a nine. But in terms of the accountability, even with, 

[00:15:58] Chandler Stroud: or a two, if you're lucky, that or [00:16:00] zero. 

[00:16:00] Bonnie Heim: But you know, I mean, you've got to, you have to enjoy life. You have to enjoy what you're doing. And accountability for me is such a rock solid.

Answering the question, what do I need? What do I need today? What can I give myself today? How can I take care of myself to, you know, what better ways can I nurture myself today? And that's what I really want. Clients, I don't want them to think of, as I said, I'm, oh, I, I have to be thought on every minute, every day.

You don't. You just need to catch your [00:16:30] breath and do what's in your best interest and that, that's all we're looking for now. Perfection. 

[00:16:35] Chandler Stroud: Yeah, no, I agree. I'm curious though, what are some sneaky ways that guilt and self punishment show up even in quote unquote healthy routines like tracking food or movement or daily habits?

I'm sure you see this all the time as a coach. 

[00:16:52] Bonnie Heim: I do. So, you know, we were talking about there, there might be days where you're not doing well. Let's say you're on vacation. What I always tell clients when they're on vacation [00:17:00] is we are looking for maintenance. We are not looking for perfection. We're not looking to reduce.

We are looking forward to you to live life, enjoy life, and, and be present with where you are. It shows up, for example, if you've gone out for dinner the night before. And let's say you've had a little food that's, that's heavier than you normally have, and the next day you're not feeling that great. So you feel that you need to restrict and punish yourself.

Oh, I, I can't have this. Absolutely not. What I always say to clients is, after a night out, after a flex meal, after you are [00:17:30] coming off of a vacation, we simply get right back into the saddle and we start nurturing our body. Which is the term that I love the most with the foods that are, and the movement and the hydration that's gonna have us feeling our absolute best.

There is no punishment, there is no restriction, there is no guilting ourselves. You just get back into your routine because this is, and I, I say it a mil and I will say it, A million child, a lifestyle. It's not a diet, it's not a hop on, hop off. [00:18:00] It is something that's meant to last for the rest of your life.

And so. When you are in that healthy routine, it just feels so natural and it's so seamless, Chandler, that you want to get back to the foods that make you feel your best or you want to go out for that run or take that yoga class. You want to get back to center and you want to continue to like get that foundation underneath your, your body [00:18:30] and your feet so that you can just continue to rock this lifestyle you're living.

[00:18:34] Chandler Stroud: What's one belief about accountability that you think needs to die? 

[00:18:38] Bonnie Heim: I think with regard to All in and our program or anyone intrigued by accountability as a program, they think of us as drill sergeants or that you're going to a bootcamp and it couldn't be further from the truth. Because as you know, Chandler, I wake up with you first thing in the morning.

You'll have a morning message from me, and my hope is that it's going to make you smile, make you think, [00:19:00] or make you curious and. We are positive. It's all about positivity, and that's my approach is coaching. And, and I lead with a lot of compassion, as you know, because I've been where my clients stand. So I think that's, that's one key thing that clients and people who are interested in accountability, coaching need to understand.

We are your teammate. We are your best friend. We are your buddy, and we are your most avid cheerleader every step of the way. 

[00:19:24] Chandler Stroud: I'm curious, Bonnie, how can a woman tell the difference between discomfort that comes [00:19:30] from growth versus punishment disguised as discipline? 

[00:19:34] Bonnie Heim: So I always say you have to get uncomfortable in order to experience growth and agreed.

And I didn't realize that. And so for me, something as simple as, and I think a lot of my clients, you know, if you haven't been working out and you're, you're stepping into a gym again, that's intimidating and that's, that's uncomfortable. And I remember walking in and kinda looking around and, [00:20:00] but knowing that it was good for me, that that uncomfortable feeling and that out of place feeling, which none of us ever liked to be a part of or involved in.

Was really gonna be good for me and was really going to help change me. So I think that aspect, if that makes sense, or that analogy, example. I still have that uncomfortable feeling, thinking about it. When I walked in the gym again for the first time, you know, I love to work out and, and I [00:20:30] will work out probably seven days a week.

That's just me. I just like to move and it makes me happy. And, and I know some people will have asked me before, why do you do that? You know, you'll always get the unsolicited questions and advice from people, like, why do you do that? Or if I'm out to dinner and I don't perhaps want to drink, it's why, why aren't you drinking?

And it's something that I think when you realize what helps you feel your best and your strongest and most fit, that what might make others feel [00:21:00] uncomfortable or view it as discomfort for you is actually what brings me the most comfort. And that's where the accountability for myself comes into play.

Because I've come to a point in my life and what I want my clients to come to a point in their life understanding is that you have the control. So you have the control to understand that your growth is going to come from uncomfortable places and positions that you will be placed in, but you have the decision and you have the power to [00:21:30] choose what's best for you.

And I think truthfully, speaking of discomfort, that was one of my things. For years that I was very uncomfortable doing was saying no to people and setting up boundaries and explaining myself and the growth that I have gained from being uncomfortable or experiencing discomfort has given me, in fact strength to be able to verbalize and communicate why I like to work at, why it works for me, why [00:22:00] I like to eat clean foods, why I love travel.

I mean, anything that. People might look at you and, and question or view as being extreme or obsessed. I think you need to take a step back and understand that it's individualized and you're going to find through accountability and staying true to yourself, that out of that discomfort will come your strongest moments, your most powerful passions will be discovered.

[00:22:30] And I think I always say get uncomfortable to be comfortable, you know, because. That's where I found my most dynamic changes in my life and my lifestyle is really getting uncomfortable. 

[00:22:44] Chandler Stroud: I, I totally agree with that, and I think. We obviously talk a lot about, on the show about how discomfort is key for growth, but I think what you're saying [00:23:00] overall is really important for women to hear because there is a difference between being disciplined and punishing themselves, and it comes from this place of loving yourself through the process.

[00:23:14] Bonnie Heim: I've had clients who will say, oh, oh, I didn't get enough in today. I'll make it up tomorrow. And what I want them to understand is, first of all, they're kind of berating themselves that they didn't get enough in today. Mm-hmm. There's no need to make it up tomorrow. You don't need to punish yourself tomorrow for what you didn't do today.

And I [00:23:30] think that's a really a key point that, that everyone needs to understand is we are all trying to do our very best and, and let's be honest, there are days where we could have done better. I will be the first to say that, but I'm never going to say, you gotta do more. You gotta do more. Because we're always, we're competitive enough with ourselves and with each other that I really, really feel like clients need to understand that adding more on, or let's say you got 20 minutes in in the morning, you wanna do more in the [00:24:00] afternoon.

If you want to, that's fine. If that's something that brings you joy, that's fine. But if you're doing it to punish yourself or that you, you feel the need to add more onto your plate, it, it, it's just not necessary. 

[00:24:12] Chandler Stroud: I agree. And I actually think we're saying similar things. It really is all in the framing.

Right. So I think. Punishment and discipline are very different based on the interpretation of those things. Like in your example, [00:24:30] if you miss a day and say, I am gonna get more tomorrow, you can punish yourself and berate yourself for falling short today. Or you can look at it as, wow, I'm so disciplined that I'm still aware of this goal I am trying to achieve, and.

Instead of looking at it through the negative space of, I'll just make up for it tomorrow. Maybe it's like, what can I do today given I didn't get that workout in this morning to continue loving myself [00:25:00] towards my goal? And maybe it's choosing not to have dessert tonight at dinner because you didn't get that workout in, but it's coming from a place of self-love and commitment to the end result versus.

This place of punishment and shame and guilt that I think we're so quick to. Access is women. 

[00:25:22] Bonnie Heim: I also think that what I like to think of it as is a self check-in versus self punishment. You know? Mm-hmm. Like, look at what [00:25:30] you did yesterday, or look at what you did this morning and, and celebrate that. It's the difference between discipline and a devotion to yourself, and if you're caring about yourself, truthfully, in the best possible ways.

The little things are not going to make that big a difference. And when we, we come from that attitude of yes, I can, yes, I will. And yes I do. I think it's really vitally important for us to bring that [00:26:00] positivity in and understand that we can just build upon it rather than. View it as long-term punishment operating from a place of fear and instead, you know, not focusing so much on perfectionism, but what our body needs emotionally and physically at that time.

[00:26:17] Chandler Stroud: What kinds of language do you encourage your clients to use when they miss a day? Skip a workout, or don't follow their nutrition plan? 

[00:26:25] Bonnie Heim: I think that's one of the most important things that, that I personally discovered and I [00:26:30] know many of my clients do, is that. Just stop that negative chatter from the get go.

Like for myself personally, I just say when I find my mind going somewhere that's not positive and I'm going, I call it like down the rabbit hole. I'll just say the word positive three times. To myself and flip that script. And then I, I do my best to move on. And, and it usually works. Years ago, I would've gone right down that dap rabbit hole, 

[00:26:51] Chandler Stroud: like, well, it's, I think it's hard to stop yourself in the moment and catch yourself doing it.

And I always say that I think in most cases, these [00:27:00] stories we tell ourselves are so subconscious. We're not, we're not even aware of what's on loop in our own heads. So I think the fact that you have the awareness to stop. In the moment and flip that script is really commendable. 

[00:27:13] Bonnie Heim: I think though, truthfully, I, the first thing that comes outta my mouth, which I think you know is okay, let's catch our breath and let's offer ourselves some grace rather than completely coming at yourself negatively.

Let's just relax. Understand that. You haven't messed up. [00:27:30] Nothing is ruined. The day is not done. In the next breath you take, we can turn things around. Everyone is so quick to throw in the towel. Everyone is so quick to, to chastise ourselves and come at ourselves and, oh, we can't do this. We can't do that.

When we come with a, as we would speak to others, as we would speak to friends, kindness, care. What would you tell a friend if a friend said to you, if I said to you, Chan, oh my God, I didn't get a work on in yesterday. I just, I suck. I'm the absolute worst person in the world. You would come at me with [00:28:00] compassion, you would say.

Are you kidding? Did you see what you've done all week long? I see you out there running. It's, it's about the love, the care, the thing that we would say to our children, things we would say to our mom, our dad. It is coming from your heart. It's coming from a place of warmth. And that tone that we take with everyone else is what we need to adopt as our own inner language and inner voice.

[00:28:23] Chandler Stroud: What's the difference between being in a rut and being in a season of restoration? How do [00:28:30] you coach someone through that without pushing or letting them slide into this space of totally numbing out? We just need to 

[00:28:39] Bonnie Heim: start with small steps. We need to, we need to pick things back up again. We need to go back and look at, for example, I had a client the other day who, i'd kind of gotten off track for a while and wasn't really, I wasn't really seeing the photos of picks and things, and I said, you know what? Let's look at our grocery list again. Let, it was a Sunday. So I'm like, let's go grocery shopping. Let's stock the house with really great things. So we're in a [00:29:00] rut and we're going to lift ourselves out of that with a, the decisions that are gonna be in our best interest for the week ahead.

And maybe it's just for the next meal ahead, or maybe it's the day ahead. So we'll start there. We, we, I always say we're gonna take things back to basics. Let's go back to square one. If I, I have clients that stay with me for a long time, and I'm really blessed with that fact, and I love that because our relationships are so strong and so good, and we know each other very, very well.

But on a journey like this, when you're on it for a while, you can definitely get [00:29:30] into a rut. And so. We will take things back to basics. We will go back to square one, whether it's in terms of movement, whether it's, as I said, in terms of their food choices, if it's their mindset, if it's their schedule, what can we readjust with your schedule?

I've had a couple clients this summer who have come in for a, a quick refresh and then they duck back out and that's fine. But when they're in and they're not putting the work in. That can be tricky because there are lots of excuses that come onto the table, [00:30:00] but bottom line, they have to understand that I'm not with them 24 7.

And so in order for clients to pull themselves out of the rut and, and get toward a kind of a restoration moving forward again. We need that honesty. We need to admit that, okay, maybe I didn't need the pizza after the soccer game the other night. Maybe I didn't need the pizza at lunch before the soccer game at night.

It's just the question of going back to what's in your best interest and, and understanding that doing [00:30:30] what's best for you. I know it's hard and I know when you're busy and, and things are piling up on your schedule, it can be tricky, but at the same time, you need to normalize that. It's okay to pick yourself back up, set yourself right, and, and continue on the foundation.

Sometimes we need that reminder, that discipline and devotion to yourself is the biggest mindset shift that we can help. And that comes with consistency and you know, a journey like this. As you know I've said before, sometimes. People can think it's boring, but I [00:31:00] always say boring is good because it means you're in a routine and it means you've created healthy habits and you, it means that you are taking accountability for what your needs are personally, emotionally, and physically.

And, and so it's staying connected to what really matters with. Where you want to go, what you wanna be, and picking yourself back up and knowing that you can do that at any time. 

[00:31:23] Chandler Stroud: I think it's really good that you tie it back to self-compassion and what we're talking about today, because I do think that's the [00:31:30] key difference.

For any listeners that are confused by this concept of it's okay to have a piece of cake at your son's birthday versus the lack of consistency you're talking about where five, six days in a row there's all these excuses for why the workout didn't happen or that they're eating pizza every. Night for dinner.

Like there's a big difference between those two scenarios. One is giving yourself grace on the way to meeting your goals. Right? Right. Because we're not perfect. But the other I feel [00:32:00] like starts to show a pattern of disalignment or un alignment. With what you say you want to achieve for yourself and not being committed to that kind of self-love to achieve your goals.

Right? And I think that's where the self-compassion comes into play. And I agree with you. I think it's fine to maybe say at the end of the day. You know what? I just didn't pick the right time in my life to [00:32:30] refocus on this goal. Like it's just not something that I can sustainably march toward right now.

So thank you, Bonnie. I'm gonna put a pin in this and I'll come back to you in a few weeks when I can realistically get back in the saddle and make this commitment to myself. And that's a form of self-compassion and self-love too, right? But I think it's important to understand the distinction and that.

It's possible to love yourself through both of those scenarios. It's just in the reframing and [00:33:00] coming from a place of kindness. I love, Bonnie, that you are framing it that way because it's almost a page out of Hero Katie Wee's book where one of the first things she does is have you list everything you like about yourself.

Mm-hmm. And I think so often. We don't take time to really think about like, oh, you know, I love my height, or I have a great smile, or I am really thoughtful when it comes to friends and [00:33:30] family. I mean, when's the last time listeners you have made a list of all of the things that you appreciate and love about yourself?

I think it's such a powerful exercise. It's one of. The best ways to unlock more compassion and love for yourself. And so I just, I love that you made a nod to the mindset shift. Absolutely. That happens through the accountability process because I think it's so important. 

[00:33:58] Bonnie Heim: And one other thing I'll add [00:34:00] to build upon Katie, we, 'cause I love a little Katy Wee is to add upon what you just said.

She would say to me, when you get up in the morning, look in the mirror and you tell, do you ever tell yourself you are beautiful, you look great, you're so smart. I mean, you know, just look in the mirror and compliment yourself rather than like whipping by that mirror and not taking a glance. So when you can, and that's tricky to do, I don't know whether you've ever done it, but if you look [00:34:30] in the mirror and find something that you love about yourself physically.

There are a lot of things we might like about ourselves emotionally, but we're very, I am very hard on myself physically. I think we all tend to be, so if you can stand in the mirror and pause and take a moment to tell yourself what you love about yourself or how beautiful you are, I think that's a really great, wonderful, uplifting and yes, beautiful way to begin a day.

[00:34:55] Chandler Stroud: Couldn't agree more. How do you help women build trust with their bodies? Again, [00:35:00] especially when they've had years of ignoring or overriding their needs in service of work, caregiving or perfectionism 

[00:35:09] Bonnie Heim: with very small, confident steps forward. You know, body dysmorphia is. Something that, you know, I remember when I first began, I think I mentioned this to you, I didn't even like to look at myself in the mirror.

I didn't like to meet my eyes in the mirror, my eyes, not just my body, but my eyes because I knew I wasn't doing the very best that I could for myself. So with women, [00:35:30] it's very tricky and it is the way I. My coach is I lead with kindness and I focus on all the positive things they are doing for themselves, and understanding that this change and this transformation from the inside out, not only on the physical appearance, but the internal, especially when it comes to their bodies, it's going to take some time.

So let's focus on the positive aspects of your body. What do you like the most? Look at what your body achieved today. Look at how beautifully you're fueling your body. How glorious are [00:36:00] those summertime fresh fruits and veggies? Doesn't that make you feel good? And hydration? Let's set a hydration goal. Oh my God, you got 80 ounces of water in today.

How amazing is that focusing on, you know, me, Chandler, I'm all about positivity because there's so much negativity in this world that we don't need to bring any more of it in. And so when we can focus on the little things that my clients are doing for themselves each day that they might not see, but that I can bring to their attention, I'm absolutely going to do it.

[00:36:27] Chandler Stroud: Yeah. No, I know. It's so great, Bonnie. You're such [00:36:30] a positive force both in my life and in the world, and I'm so grateful for the work you're doing. And trust me when I say this, like nothing you do comes from this place of toxic positivity. Either it's like truly authentic and caring, and I think that's really.

Important to call out for women who really struggle with this because I do think it takes time to trust yourself, to trust in your body. Again, 

[00:36:58] Bonnie Heim: I agree. I always say I [00:37:00] don't want accountability. I don't want clients to use accountability as a weapon, but instead as a way to stay connected to what we want or what I want and.

I think that's so vitally important. You know, I always say going back to how we speak to our friends and family, like what would it look like to hold myself accountable the way I'd support a best friend, right? We would be cheering them on as I do with you, and you do with me, and, and lifting each other up as the healing heroes do.

So it's listening to your body, outsourcing [00:37:30] trust to, you know. The dedication and support and people who love you and lift you up. And yeah. 

[00:37:38] Chandler Stroud: Bonnie, this has been great. I think just to close us out, what's one thing you wish every woman listening could hear and believe about herself today when it comes to being disciplined or consistent and cultivating more self-compassion along the way 

[00:37:55] Bonnie Heim: that nothing is out of your reach.

And yes, I speak from experience. [00:38:00] You can change your life. For the better in the blink of an eye. You honestly can and you can do so with. Kindness that you show to others, you're gonna turn that around and give to yourself. You can stay connected to what matters the most to you, and there are always ways to move forward.

The negativity needs to be kicked to the curb. You need to focus on the things that bring you absolute joy, because that's the lifestyle that you're going to want to live. [00:38:30] Not now just, but as I've always liked to say far into the future, and most importantly, understanding that you are worth the time and care and investment because it is an investment that you're making into yourself.

And so holding yourself accountable, I just wanna say again, it's, it's not about shame or punishment or guilt. It is loving where you're going and focusing on the bright future you're creating. And yes, we're doing that one step of at a time together [00:39:00] confidently, compassionately, and with the ultimate care.

I think the twists and turns and the ups and downs and the non-linear. Route that we are all on in life is what makes it the most exciting. And because, let's be honest, a straight like being on straight and narrow is kind of boring. And so you want to every single curve ball that's thrown your way, that's where we learn the most.

And I think that's one of the things that I [00:39:30] love about this journey and that I learned about my journey and I'm still learning about myself, is that. The hard parts, the tough parts, the tricky parts, the dicey parts, that's where you gain the most knowledge about yourself. And from that, I mean from the inside out.

And as I've said, this journey, most think of it as a transformational physical journey. And yeah, indeed it is. But most importantly, it's coming home to you and coming home to discover. What matters most for you and to you, and I love being a part of it. 

[00:39:58] Chandler Stroud: Me too, Bonnie. And I'm [00:40:00] glad that you're a part of it with me.

So thank you. Me too. Bonnie, this was so much fun. Thank you for being back with us to talk about accountability and self-compassion and the impact that it can have on so many lives. I. Appreciate it as always, and it was so fun catching up with you. 

[00:40:21] Bonnie Heim: I love my time with you and I love what we always discuss, and most importantly, I hope our listeners understand that they need to be kind with themselves, take [00:40:30] care with themselves, and always remain curious about the beautiful changes that they can bring and add to their lives.

Nothing is unattainable or out of their reach. 

[00:40:40] Chandler Stroud: I think that's a valuable and beautiful message to leave with listeners. So thank you for that, Bonnie, and to those tuning in, if you enjoyed today's conversation, please share it with friends and don't forget to subscribe. You can also visit healing heroes podcast.com to get resources.

Meet the [00:41:00] heroes and share your ideas for future episodes. Thanks for listening, everyone, and until next time, remember, be curious, be courageous, and be kind to yourself. You've got this.