Best of Hero & Confidence Coach Cait DeMello

For this week's Hero Highlight, we take a look back at confidence and empowerment coach Cait DeMello's best moments on the show. From what it means to stay in touch with yourself through breathwork to exploring modalities like parts work and other intuitive practices, Cait helps women heal and embrace their authenticity. She also helps women move beyond people-pleasing, perfectionism, and self-doubt by healing the nervous system, uncovering limiting beliefs, and reconnecting with their inner child. 

This conversation is full of tangible tools and soul-deep reminders that the path to wholeness starts from within.

What You Will Learn

• [00:07:04] How nervous system patterns from childhood affect adult behavior.
• [00:08:04] Why shame and self-rejection often surface in dating and professional settings.
• [00:09:34] How childhood experiences shape emotional survival strategies.
• [00:12:36] What reset breathwork is and how it supports deep energetic release.
• [00:14:27] A breakdown of what happens during a guided breathwork session.
• [00:16:26] How breathwork helps release unprocessed emotions stored in the body.
• [00:17:58] The link between breath, self-worth, and internal reprogramming.
• [00:18:32] A beginner-friendly explanation of tarot and its role in intuitive healing.
• [00:21:35] How tarot readings work as a co-creative spiritual practice.
• [00:23:43] What “the Self” means in parts work and how to access it.

 Want to Hear More from Hero Cait? Check Out These Episodes!

• Yoga and Our Path to Peak Pose
• Find Serenity through Sound Healing
• Releasing Physical and Emotional Tension with Thai Bodywork
• Learning to Be (and Feel) Present

Let’s Connect!
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Cait DeMello

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Chandler Stroud

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Mixing and editing provided by Next Day Podcast.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Chandler Stroud: Hey guys, it's Chandler and welcome to the Healing Heroes.

[00:00:04] I'm Chandler Stroud, an executive wife and busy mom of two who after years of living with anxiety health struggles and an unshakeable feeling like I should be happier, made a profound discovery that changed everything. Join me on a journey where unexpected paths lead to healing and more happiness. On this show, we will explore unconventional ways to unlock more joy in your own life.

[00:00:34] With the help of my very own healers and trusted advisors, the healing heroes.

[00:00:44] Hey everyone, and welcome back to the Healing Heroes podcast. I'm your host Chandler, and today we are releasing another hero highlight episode in honor of our first birthday this July. The goal of these best of episodes is to really help you get to know our heroes on an individual level. As well as enjoy some of our favorite moments from past conversations with each hero week to week and today, our hero and confidence and empowerment coach Caitlyn Dello is up to the plate.

[00:01:21] We are diving into some of my favorite moments from past conversations with Kate, who has talked about multiple healing approaches on the show specifically. Tarot card reading, breath work, and inner child and parts work. Just a few of the many diverse modalities that she's certified in. I think at first glance, tarot breath work and inner child healing might seem like very different practices and they are logistically, but they do all have one thing in common.

[00:01:58] They help us turn inward and listen more deeply. Each of these tools invites us to slow down, get quiet, and reconnect with the parts of ourselves that are often overlooked in our busy, outward facing lives in different ways. All three guide us back to wholeness, back to ourselves by helping us remember who we were before the world told us who to be.

[00:02:28] I initially asked Kate to join the show because of our tarot sessions together, but my work with her has grown into so much more. Reset breath work, for instance, was instrumental in unlocking the door to progressing my therapy and EMDR sessions with hero Jen and really taking them to new heights. While inner child and Parts work with Kate has helped me find more self-worth and heal the wounds of my past with love and compassion so that I can show up differently in my present day.

[00:03:03] Tarot has always been a part of my life, it seems, starting when my mother received a reading around the time I was 10 or 12 years old and then transcribed a small piece of that reading that referenced me. Which I later taped inside a journal and would return to time and time again when things got difficult or hard, or I simply felt just stuck or purposeless in life.

[00:03:31] The message was simple. I had everything I need inside me, and I'd always know the next right step to take even when others in my orbit may not approve or understand. So tarot has always played a really important role in my life. Which is why I was so grateful to meet Kate, continue that work with her, and then expand and grow into breath work and inner child and parts work, and some of the other modalities that she's certified in.

[00:04:05] So with that, please enjoy the best of moments. With Hero and Confidence coach Kate Dello.

[00:04:16] Cait DeMello: When I work with women, I help them uncover and unearth the reasons why they're not feeling confident, and so I have kind of like four I, I kind of call 'em like four foundations or branches in my framework, so. What we do is we really work on your nervous system regulation because as you've learned in the inner child episode in breath work, and we'll talk about it even here a little bit, your nervous system by the age of about seven to 12 is like that window of solidification, and so your nervous system kind of.

[00:04:45] Solidifies, I guess, or just forms, like fully forms with certain imprints, and those imprints show up in your behavior. So the nervous system is closely linked to the limbic system, which is, you know, your memories, your behaviors, your thoughts, all of that stuff. We do nervous system regulation work because.

[00:05:02] You need to regulate your nervous system to understand what safety is and to understand that the certain things in your life that you learned that your nervous system learned weren't safe back as a child. So again, we're going back to childhood. You have to kind of reteach yourself that it's safe. In your nervous system.

[00:05:19] So not just telling yourself it's safe, but really feeling safe, experiencing difficult things. So we do nervous system regulation. We also do limiting belief rewiring, so we get an understanding of the beliefs that are kind of attached to that nervous system and to your behaviors. Get an understanding of what's operating in the background in terms of those beliefs.

[00:05:39] And we. Uncover them and rewire them. That's the second piece. The third piece is the inner child and parts work. So this is reshaping that relationship that you have with yourself so that you can start to be kinder to yourself. You can start to love yourself through the difficulty instead of having to avoid it or put it off and procrastinate, you know, all of that stuff.

[00:06:00] And then the last piece of it is really coming home to your values and really redefining for yourself what your values are. Because when you take action like. People pleasing. And we are all, you know, we all do things like that. People pleasing, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, all of that stuff. What you're really doing there is placing your value on other people's opinions, ideas, thoughts, and perspectives of you.

[00:06:23] Mm-hmm. And so what we do is we really recenter you into what you truly desire to value in your life. So those are kinda like the four anchors and what that actually. Does with my clients is it helps you start to take action on what you wanna take action on. It helps you start to turn overwhelm into ease.

[00:06:41] It helps you start turn procrastination into productivity. And if you're overproductive, it helps you turn that into peace, and so it really helps you. Shift that relationship you have with yourself so that you can start to be the person you wanna be and create the life you actually wanna live.

[00:07:01] When you form a relationship with your inner child, you are learning how to re-parent yourself and change your relationship with yourself from one of shame, judgment, frustration, anger. Hiding from that into love, compassion, seeing all different parts of yourself and allowing yourself to actually grow.

[00:07:22] The things that are holding us back is our relationship to ourselves. I'll give some tangible examples, like you go out on a date or you're in an interview or some sort of situation where there's pressure and you, you notice yourself changing your response in the meeting or in the date or whatever.

[00:07:41] Just to make sure that that person likes you because you can't handle rejection. You wanna start to form a relationship with that wounded part of yourself that needs that approval. And so often try so hard, like the inner critic is another buzzword, and we try so hard to change ourselves through judgment, but nothing can change in judgment.

[00:08:04] And so the inner child work, it creates such incredible and massive space for compassion and love and gentleness and gratitude and all of the conditions that allow for growth and change. And so you now start to enter into these arenas with more compassion for yourself and the ability to make mistakes because you know you're gonna love yourself.

[00:08:28] You're not gonna abandon yourself regardless of the outcome. 

[00:08:32] Chandler Stroud: Wow, that was so beautifully said and so moving. Truly, I mean, it would make anyone wanna have a relationship with their younger self so that they can give themself that level of compassion that you're talking about. And I think it's really interesting because again, I always say as part of my journey in creating the show that I didn't know, I wasn't giving myself that compassion.

[00:08:55] I always thought like I like myself, I do self care, I do all these things. But when I did the EMDR and did the somatic experiences with the MFR and yeah, acupuncture, whatever it might be, I started to really realize that no, there were some pretty strong beliefs that I created and was in some ways passed down in my childhood.

[00:09:19] And it's just, it's really powerful to think about it in the space that you're referring to where you can create this arena of just self. Acceptance and love, and that the inner child is a really powerful tool in getting there. 

[00:09:34] Cait DeMello: It really is, and I love that you said that about passing things down because I.

[00:09:38] Our parents did the best that they could. Our, the adults in our lives, our caregivers, they did the absolute best that they could with the tools that they have. Yeah. But they were only able to pass along to us what they knew and what they learned. And so then we, in our own lives, and this is where it does get a little spiritual, but we in our own lives, we have our own lessons to learn.

[00:09:57] We have our own interpretation of what we learned from them. We have our own application to ourselves and our own worldview. And so what ends up happening is, you know, our parents are in mind read. Parents, whoever is listening, you're, you're supposed to mess up. You are going so that this does not, you're not doing anything wrong, but you, you can't be perfect.

[00:10:20] And so kids have to learn different things about the world around them, and sometimes they make interpretations that affect the way that they see the world. In good ways and in bad ways, and that's, that is all part of life. And so this process is learning how to be with yourself differently so that you can start to show up in the way that you want to show up.

[00:10:44] If I were to have you think of one of your children. Or you know, a niece or nephew or you know, a child that's dear to you, and think about them in any type of situation that you've experienced in your life, you would mama bear. You would go into full on mama bear mode, right? But when it comes to ourselves.

[00:11:12] It's so hard to activate that because of the things that we've learned. And so when you start to view yourself as an innocent child, because we are, when you start to really connect with this younger version of you who went through what it went through, how can you not have compassion? How can you not fall so deeply in love with that child who had no idea what was happening to them, who had no idea that they were learning these different things and putting things into place to keep themselves safe?

[00:11:44] They're acting from survival, and that's you. Yeah, and I think that, you know, there will be sometimes when I'm working with a client and they're having a difficult time connecting with their inner child, and I will say, think of, think of a, think of a different child. Think of someone that you're so close with, like a niece, a nephew, you know, something like that, family friend that you have a close relationship with, and start there.

[00:12:08] And then maybe bring yours in and see them playing together. And like when you bring the understanding of childhood and how that's when you're picking up all of these things and you're making them all about you because you know no other way, how can you not have so much compassion for 

[00:12:26] Chandler Stroud: yourself?

[00:12:30] Can you share a quick overview of what reset breath work is and how it differs from other breath work techniques? 

[00:12:36] Cait DeMello: Yes, absolutely. So people throw the term breath, work around and, and. It can mean so many different things from like pranayama, uja, that kind of breath like that you'll do maybe in yoga and things to box breathing, which is four counts in breath, four counts pause, four counts out, breath four counts, pause.

[00:12:56] And you do that. And that's a type of breath work. But what I work where, where I'm certified in the reset breath work method is a long form breath work. So. It's a three part breath where you breathe into the belly, into the chest, and then out all with an open mouth for a prolonged period of time while you are laying almost in a Shavasana position.

[00:13:19] Chandler Stroud: You know, for those that don't take yoga, Shavasana is basically corpse pose. You are just lying on your back, relaxing on the ground. 

[00:13:26] Cait DeMello: Thank you. Yes, yes. 'cause I can't assume that all these women are, you know, 

[00:13:31] Chandler Stroud: yogis, everything. 

[00:13:31] Cait DeMello: Right. It's okay. I love that. So yeah, so you're, you're basically laying on your back while you're doing that.

[00:13:36] And so it's called, reset actually stands for something. So it's R is recalibrating your nervous system. E is elevating your vibration. S is somatically releasing stored emotions, and somatics means like of the body of the sensations, the E, the second E is expanding your consciousness and the T is transforming into your most authentic self.

[00:13:58] So that's really the robust way of, of talking about like what reset breath work does. 

[00:14:05] Chandler Stroud: Thank you for breaking that down for us. I think it's super helpful to think about reset as long form breath work versus a lot of other breath work methods, which tend to be a little bit shorter in duration. On that note, can you quickly explain for listeners what you do in a reset breath work session?

[00:14:23] What can they expect in terms of what happens first, second, and third? 

[00:14:27] Cait DeMello: There's a little bit of like very light coaching at the beginning, just to kind of help them get to intention setting what they want to get out of the session. Typically, I'll ask like, what are you, what would you like to release and what would you like to call in?

[00:14:39] So that we can really get them into the space of opening themselves up to release and receive. From there, I'll go into a lot of the expectations, different things that you can expect that might happen, just so that people can feel at ease if the, if things come up and then I will. Guide them into a visualization that I've created surrounding that release.

[00:14:58] So they do have input ahead of time so that I can curate the experience to what they desire. And so I'll guide them into a visualization that leads directly into the breath, and then I will curate a playlist that guides them on a journey while I also do. Some speaking, help them create affirmations that they speak out loud while they're in the process and in the journey so that they can pair the breath to these affirmations.

[00:15:25] And then on, on the tail end, they have a moment with themselves for a full song, just a moment with themselves to essentially really be with the changes in the transformation that they've created. And then I do a little bit of a. Guided visualization out of it that kind of solidifies and closes out the ceremony.

[00:15:48] Afterwards, I always encourage people to bring a journal because sometimes it's easier to write than it is to speak because you're in a different part of your brain afterwards. So I encourage them to just write down anything that came through, any breakthroughs, anything they wanna carry forward with them, and then I open the opportunity for us.

[00:16:04] To process through anything for them to share. Some clients like to read what they've written. Some clients really like to bring forward some other things that are on their heart or mind. And then we close it out in a beautiful way.

[00:16:19] Chandler Stroud: Can you explain the connection between breath work and emotional healing, particularly in the realm of. Self-worth. 

[00:16:26] Cait DeMello: Technically, the relationship between the, the breath and the reset breath work method and emotions in particular, it allows the body to process through and bring up and release the stored energy of the emotions that are not processed, which is why you may cry, you may scream, you may laugh, you may get angry.

[00:16:47] People have all of those reactions, people have one of those, like that is the somatic body connection of the breath. And the emotions that have been stored in the body and not processed. 

[00:16:57] Chandler Stroud: Super helpful. 

[00:16:58] Cait DeMello: Yes. And then when you talk about self-worth in particular, you restructure your relationship with your body and you, you form new neural pathways in your brain to what's going on in your body.

[00:17:15] You know, it can be different. Person to person. But when it comes to self-worth in particular, it's almost like you have this new way of viewing. Tapping into feeling and understanding the power of your body. Everybody has their own perspective on self-worth, right? And how they value who they are. Yeah.

[00:17:39] And so when you strip it down to the very base thing that every single person has access to your breath and the power of your body to wield that breath, you just feel so inherently worthy. Then that definition of worth gets to change because you're not placing a monetary value on it. You're not placing a success driven value on it.

[00:18:04] You're not placing some sort of outside metric on the one thing that literally unites us all. Like you can't go somewhere and not breathe air that's been breathed by somebody else. You know what I'm saying? But that is the one thing that really, truly unites us all, is like we all are breathing, we all, it's, it's one breath.

[00:18:29] Chandler Stroud: Can you share a quick overview of what tarot is? 

[00:18:32] Cait DeMello: Tarot is considered a divination tool, so. If you've heard of ruins or like looking into a crystal ball kind of a thing. And so divination is really a a tool that people can use to tap deeper into their intuition to connect with, whether it is nature, God guides to receive messages and to intuit.

[00:18:54] Different things, and it's a way of gaining clarity, insight, or information on past, present, or future events. So that's kind of like an overview. And tarot is a deck of 78 cards, and it's broken into two parts. The first part resembles a, a. Deck of playing cards. So everybody's pretty much used to them. And it's got similar suits.

[00:19:16] You know, a typical playing deck has hearts, clubs, spades and diamonds. And a tarot deck has pentacles, wands, cups, and swords. And each of those correlate with a different element. Cups would be water, which kind of represents your emotions and feelings. W is fire, which is passion and creativity. And then swords is air, which is action and thought.

[00:19:43] And then the last one is Pentacles. And Pentacles has a little bit more of a broader, more encompassing element, but it's it's earth and it represents materials, wealth worth. And you know, I like to interpret it as self-worth. And I think that's like a really important piece because it's how you value yourself.

[00:20:02] So that's, that's what's called the minor arcena or the, the the playing card. And then there's also something called the Major arcena. And the major arcena is like overarching life themes. It starts with the zero card, which is the fool, and it kind of takes you on the fool's journey and the different things that you as the fool will encounter.

[00:20:23] In your life. So it has different things like there, there are some cards that may be hard for people to experience in the deck, like death, and then there's a card called the tower card and there's also the devil. And so those can be harder to visually see and work with, but when you get to like the underlying meaning of them, it's really something that everybody experiences in their life.

[00:20:45] So for example the Devil is less about. The actual devil, and it's more about your choices, your vices, and your interaction with those and recognizing that you know, when it comes to things like your vices, you actually have choice in the matter. So it's such a beautiful teaching tool and it's a beautiful way of really expanding your perspective on something and expanding your.

[00:21:10] Understanding of different things.

[00:21:15] I always say the cards don't lie and they pick up on the energy and they, they pick up on whatever it is that needs to be presented in the moment. And I think it's not even necessarily the cards that are doing that. It's the combination of the reader and the receiver and the cards, and it's the relationship between.

[00:21:35] All of the three and, and the energy that comes to the table. And I think what ends up happening is for a tarot reader who truly trusts in their own intuition, their own ability, their own real, real innate power, relinquish the need to be the provider of the message and allows the message to flow through them.

[00:21:54] I think that that is when you really get into. Picking up on each other's energy and creating a space where it's almost like there is like, it, it, it creates a little bit more of a spiritual space where you can open yourself up to receiving because you feel like it's, it's coming from somewhere greater than both of you, whoever's present or greater than the group.

[00:22:16] And I think that in today's society, we kind of neglect. That spiritual aspect, and I think it's making such a boom lately, and which is amazing, which is why like jumping in on what you're doing and being a part of this is so magnificent because we get to bring it to, to everyone and allow people to dip their toes in the water of finding something different and connecting to something bigger.

[00:22:38] And I think that that helps break down the walls because it's like, oh my God, this message was meant for me. And when you have that, that level of connection to what you're receiving. It makes it easier to receive and you wanna know more. You wanna receive more. You wanna open yourself up because. Deep down, there's like an inner connection, an inner knowing.

[00:23:01] And so I think it can really be a beautiful process. Whenever I go into any type of reading, I always say my own, for lack of a better term, prayer. Even coming on here you know, I'll, I'll tap into my own self and I do use the word God, but you can use universe, whatever it is. And I really ask like.

[00:23:19] Please allow whatever comes from me to be, for whoever's listening, whoever receives their highest good, my highest good, the highest good of those around us, and allow me to be a vessel of whatever needs to come through. And I think when you really trust yourself. And listen to that and open yourself up to that like such beautiful things 

[00:23:36] Chandler Stroud: can happen.

[00:23:39] So can you just clarify for listeners what is the self? 

[00:23:43] Cait DeMello: It is kind of hard to describe because it is a little bit of an inner knowing and it's. The healed version of us that exists within us, so everyone has access to their most healed self. Some people call it highest self. Some people call it truest self or real self, but what it is, is it's essentially the seven Cs of parts worker IFS, and it's compassion, curiosity, calm, clarity, courage, connectedness.

[00:24:15] Confidence and creativity. And so when you're in that state, you're open, you're curious, you're willing to understand, you're looking to connect you. You have the courage to really understand and find out what's going on. And so we all have access to that part of us, and it is within us. And so, you know, what I would say is if you really wanna play around with this.

[00:24:40] You can do your own little practice of seeing if you can call that part of you forward. Just like we can call forward any emotion we want at any time. If we're in like a cool, calm, collected place, you know, you can really get yourself into 

[00:24:54] Chandler Stroud: this state, and I highly recommend some of the somatic practices we talk about on the show to get yourself there.

[00:25:00] If it's not working, just sitting and meditating, since I know that can be really hard for so many, so many of us who are so busy and really struggle to just quiet our minds. 

[00:25:10] Cait DeMello: As always, I just love these conversations, so it's great to see you again, Chandler. 

[00:25:14] Chandler Stroud: You too. Kate, thank you so much for being here, and to those tuning in, if you enjoyed today's conversation, please share it with friends and don't forget to subscribe.

[00:25:25] You can also visit healing heroes podcast.com to get resources, meet our heroes, and share your ideas for future episodes. Thanks for listening, everyone, and until next time, remember. Be curious, be courageous, and be kind to yourself. You've got this.