Best of Hero & Accountability Coach Bonnie

In the first installment of our new "Hero Highlight" series, we’re revisiting some of the most powerful insights from Bonnie’s appearances on the show. As an Accountability Coach for Teddi Mellencamp's All In, Bonnie coaches hundreds of people on how to stay focused while breaking self-sabotaging barriers. From cultivating true self-trust to embracing resilience during life's hardest moments, Bonnie shares wisdom that cuts through the noise and reconnects you to your inner strength. Whether you're navigating a personal transformation or simply craving deeper joy, Bonnie’s guidance offers a grounded and empowering perspective.

What You Will Learn

• [00:05:24] How self-abandonment often begins through small, everyday compromises.
• [00:06:58] Why learning to listen to your body's signals is crucial for healing.
• [00:08:37] The connection between honoring your "no" and building self-trust.
• [00:10:18] How staying in misaligned situations leads to deeper emotional pain.
• [00:12:10] Ways to recognize when you're overriding your authentic needs.
• [00:13:45] How nervous system dysregulation can mask intuition.
• [00:15:22] Why grief is a necessary part of returning to your true self.
• [00:17:00] Understanding the difference between safe discomfort and harmful discomfort.
• [00:19:46] The importance of patience when re-learning how to trust yourself.
• [00:21:55] How small moments of honoring yourself compound into lasting change.

Want to Hear More from Hero Bonnie? Check Out These Episodes!

• Going All In on Accountability Coaching for Nutrition & Fitness
• Harness the Power of ‘No’ with Accountability Coaching
• Self-Trust Can Help You Accomplish Your 2025 Goals
• Accountability and (Finally) Getting Out of Your Own Way

Let’s Connect!
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Bonnie Heim

Website

Chandler Stroud

Website | LinkedIn | Instagram

Mixing and editing provided by Next Day Podcast.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Chandler Stroud: Hey guys, it's Chandler and welcome to the Healing Heroes.

[00:00:04] I'm Chandler Stroud, an executive wife and busy mom of two who after years of living with anxiety health struggles and an unshakeable feeling like I should be happier, made a profound discovery that changed everything. Join me on a journey where unexpected paths lead to healing and more happiness. On this show, we will explore unconventional ways to unlock more joy in your own life.

[00:00:34] With the help of my very own healers and trusted advisors, the healing heroes.

[00:00:44] Hey everyone, and welcome back to the show. I am so excited to be with you today because we're doing something really special. We are kicking off our hero highlight series. Yes. And today Bonnie Hero. Bonnie will be our very. First guest. So before I do anything else, I wanna welcome our new listeners and say that you picked an excellent time to start tuning into the show, because what we'll be doing over the next several weeks is releasing dedicated but curated hero episodes so that you can become familiar with and get to know each of our healing heroes one week at a time.

[00:01:24] So rather than having to go back and listen to. All of Bonnie's five previous episodes and conversations together, though I totally encourage you to go do that because every conversation has been so much fun and there's so much gold embedded in each and every one of them. This is a great quick way for you to get up to speed on what Bonnie's about, how awesome she is, and some of the very cool topics that she and I like to talk about on the show together.

[00:01:51] So let's dive in. Bonnie. She is one of my favorite people in the world and also happens to be my accountability coach. As many of you know, from listening to my first episode with Bonnie, I had joined Teddy Mellon Camp's all in accountability program way back in 2018 and have been on and off it for, I would say the better part of the last.

[00:02:15] Six to seven years and was assigned Bonnie as a coach a few years back, and she and I have been working consistently together ever since. So the accountability program and accountability coaching in general is really about having someone hold you accountable for the goals that you set for yourself.

[00:02:36] That can be weight loss, that can be. Working out every day or strength training that could even be meditating every morning. But whatever your goals are, it's having someone to hold you accountable so that you're more likely to take that first step and continue showing up for yourself. And that is what Bonnie and the All In Community has done for me the past several years, and I love that we're starting with Bonnie because that is truly how my healing journey began.

[00:03:06] It taught me how to show up for myself again. Yes, I initially signed up because I wanted to lose weight and feel better in my body, and I absolutely achieved those results within months of joining the program, but it's given me so much more, which is why I haven't left and why I've stuck with Bonnie these last several years because she continues to encourage me to show up for myself every day.

[00:03:33] And through that kind of accountability coaching, through that kind of prioritizing myself every day by getting in that workout and eating clean, nutritious food that fuels me. I'm treating my body with compassion, myself, with grace, and it is incredible how that extends way beyond the confines of a fitness and nutrition program and starts to bleed into other areas of your life like.

[00:04:02] Going for that promotion for that job that you never thought you'd get trying a new vacation or a new skill that you maybe never thought you'd be able to do before. It really pushes you outside your comfort zone and holds you accountable to taking those steps. Maintaining your boundaries and growing as a person inside and out.

[00:04:25] And so I can't say enough good things about the effectiveness of accountability coaching, but more so how incredible Bonnie is and how lucky I feel to have been working with her for so long, and especially to now call her a friend. So. Without further ado, let's dive in. Please enjoy the best of accountability, coach and hero, Bonnie Hy.

[00:04:54] Bonnie Heim: Well, before I joined all in, I was lost, and I will tell you honestly that I knew I was lost, and this sounds really silly, but when I would go into the bathroom in the morning to brush my teeth, I didn't want to make eye contact with my own eyes. When you feel so lost. I'm not gonna get emotional, but when you feel so lost, that's why I relate to my clients because I understand where they are.

[00:05:18] I've stood in their shoes and I just get it. And so before all in I was floundering. I, I, I mean, don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family, three beautiful sons, great husband wonderful friendships, but personally, I knew I needed to make a change and I knew that I needed more. All in was that missing piece in my life.

[00:05:44] So everything changed from the inside out. From the moment I began, I started realizing that I could do things, whereas before, I was always concerned about failing. And, and on a humorous note, I'll tell you this, that when I began, I told no one what I was doing. Hmm. Why? Because I didn't want. Anyone, my husband.

[00:06:06] Oh, you're doing that again? Well, you just did something like that. Well, yeah. Okay. I know, I know. I can count on like, you know, fingers and toes, how many things I've done. However, this time was different and I can't explain it except to say that I really think the key piece was the accountability for me because that one-on-one relationship and bond that you develop with your coach.

[00:06:30] She sees you for who you are, she understands where you want to go. It's a pretty magical relationship and it's all done via text messaging, which is kind of mind blowing. So where I am now, it's light years from where I was. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life, which is fabulous to wake up in the morning and feel so good.

[00:06:51] I have discovered my inner athlete. I've become a runner. I'm strength training. I. Enjoy adventures as a family. Growing up, we used to joke and say that we'd wake up for breakfast and decide, oh, where are we going for lunch? Where are we going for dinner? And now I honestly, I mean, we were, we were that family and, and it was fun and it was great and I have great memories made from it.

[00:07:14] But now I focus on, this is the key point, the memories made as opposed to the food. So when I go out, I don't really care where we're going. I'm just happy to be with the people that I'm with. So. Every single aspect inside and out for myself personally has changed, and that's the exciting part for me. The accountability is all encompassing and filled with positivity.

[00:07:38] I 

[00:07:39] Chandler Stroud: totally agree. The other thing that I think is so powerful about the accountability is that you're committing to yourself Yes. In a way that you've maybe never committed to yourself before. And. When you start using that muscle and start training it every day, it grows and grows and it can't help but expand to other areas of your life outside of the wellness, the nutrition, the health, and I certainly experienced that in a very, very big way.

[00:08:12] You hit on such a 

[00:08:13] Bonnie Heim: key point. Learning to trust ourselves again. And not only believe, but the trust that, oh, I can do that. Like I have eliminated the word can't in my vocabulary. I don't think it, I don't say it. I never utilize it because I know I can do anything that I set my mind to do. And that's what I try to instill in my clients is, oh, you know, I, I blew yesterday.

[00:08:35] No, you didn't. We have a new day. We have a new start. We have a new morning. It's a new opportunity for you. Every day is a new opportunity. Every mistake we make is a learning experience, and that's just a whole new approach and outlook in life, isn't it? It 

[00:08:48] Chandler Stroud: is, it's quite comforting to know we can make mistakes.

[00:08:51] We're human. 

[00:08:52] Bonnie Heim: Yeah. And to, and to trust and believe in yourself again. I mean that's, you know, when you're floundered and when you're lost, that's gone. You just need to be lifted. Back up, put on your feet. Set. Right. And off you 

[00:09:03] Chandler Stroud: go. You sent this to me one morning in one of our text exchanges that we have.

[00:09:08] Yeah. Always. It's crazy guys. Bonnie is on the west coast. I'm on the East Coast and yet. It doesn't matter what time I wake up, even sometimes before 7:00 AM I have a text for from her with a motivational message. A how are we doing today? It's really inspiring what you do for me and so many hundreds of other clients every morning.

[00:09:32] One of my favorite quotes that you sent was, I came for the loss, but I stayed for the gains, which is so accurate. 

[00:09:40] Bonnie Heim: It is my most favorite quote of all time, and I, I live it and I, I say it in my mind over and over and I tell, I share it with all my clients. It is true. I did. I came to lose weight. As most of our clients might do, but what I have gained is so MI mean, you can see in my I, it's emotional.

[00:10:00] It's mind blowing. Every single aspect, as I said earlier of my life, changed my morning messages to my clients. I want them to wake up and know that they are loved, they are appreciated. We are grateful that they're there, and we are gonna have an absolutely fabulous day. You know, we wanna share this fabulous lifestyle with everyone.

[00:10:17] So, yeah. I came for the losses, I stayed for the gains, and it is an emotionally wonderful, wild upside down journey and amazing.

[00:10:30] Chandler Stroud: How do you think all IN'S approach specifically helps women get to know themselves more intimately? When you 

[00:10:36] Bonnie Heim: begin a journey like this, you have no option but to look within. You have to figure out, as I said. What works, what no longer will, I think the fact that as coaches we have gone through the program, this is a safe and supported spot.

[00:10:56] Big on quotes as you know, Chandler, but another one of my favorites is, is always stronger together. And I really do believe that because I think that is one of the most important pieces of All In, is that we are a community. And I say that and you can hear me just sigh because we really are, we. We will do Peloton rides together.

[00:11:15] We have retreats that are amazing where we get to meet each other and hug each other and do yoga or meditation or mindset for mindfulness exercises. We did a virtual 5K during Covid, which was the coolest thing in the world where we printed up race bibs. Everyone got their race bib. We started at a specific time all across the country in whatever time zone you were in, and everyone participated together.

[00:11:38] So. I think that's what makes all ins so special. And that's what I say to Teddy all the time is that I don't know whether she really understands. I know she does, but what an incredible community she has created because it's one of, of good health. It's focusing on wellness. It's nothing but positivity.

[00:11:57] It, it's, it's grabbing back your power. 

[00:11:59] Chandler Stroud: Yeah. And the community is such a powerful piece. A lot of the episodes where we've talked about variety of topics on this show. Women feel alone, truly. I mean, if they stop and sit with their feelings, I think a lot of women feel like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders.

[00:12:16] Everyone's relying on them whether at work, whether it's their kids, whether it's their husband, I. Even outside their sphere of influence. It's like they feel responsible for other people's emotions around them, right? Like everything comes back to this burden, and to know that you're not alone in that and that you've got someone with you encouraging you and cheering you on, I think is so powerful.

[00:12:43] Bonnie Heim: It was one of the, the things that scared me the most and one of the things that intrigued me the most before I joined was like, could I do this? Could I live up to it? Could I, could I handle the one-on-one coaching? And looking back, it was everything that I needed and the most important piece that I was missing.

[00:13:01] That sense of community, that ability for another woman to. To support and lift each other up and and, and kind of guide and, and set the tone and set the pace and, and, you know, was a give and take and, and keeping up with each other every step of the way. But yeah, I think it's, it's critical in this day and age because we don't give ourselves that credit for what we are capable of doing because we're so concerned about everyone else.

[00:13:28] Chandler Stroud: Yeah. 

[00:13:28] Bonnie Heim: And that's okay. Yes, we are. However, we need to have a voice and find ourselves as well. 

[00:13:35] Chandler Stroud: Yes, it's so important from the weight loss perspective specifically, can you share a little bit more about what a typical day looks like for clients on the All In program? What are they asked to do? What are they asked to eat?

[00:13:49] So 

[00:13:49] Bonnie Heim: let's start with what we are, we're asked to eat. You are, you are, we focus on whole fresh, clean fuel and by that I mean really wonderful, delicious foods. So nothing is prepared. I always say fresh is best and when you are starting out, you have a couple options. We usually have a client send their scale, a picture of their scale first thing in the morning, get up outta bed, go to the bathroom, step on your scale, shoot a picture over to me.

[00:14:17] We also have clients who are not big on scales. You don't wanna send a scale, that's fine. You wanna send it once a week, that's fine. I always tell my clients, this is your journey. Scale is optional. And from there we go and, and. Segue into breakfast. So we will ask you to send your breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack meals my way, and I get some really delicious food choices sent my way.

[00:14:39] Oh, I bet 

[00:14:39] Chandler Stroud: you must be. You must have days where you're like, I'm not, I'm fine. I'm in the middle of a task. And then you get a picture from clients, you're like, Nope, I'm hungry. Lunch. 

[00:14:48] Bonnie Heim: Yeah, because the, you know, I coast all time zones. I'm up at four 30 in the morning here, so by 9:00 AM I'm like, okay, I'm ready for lunch because my east coasters are sending me these incredible taco salads and things like that.

[00:14:59] So our focus is our focus is. Sending the account, the accountability and the pictures are key to the accountability piece. Some people might find it to be burdensome. Again, we can meet them there. If they don't wanna send me a picture of their food, they can text me what they have. We have, I have coached many CEOs of companies and busy professionals and busy moms, and when they are running around, it's sometimes hard to get all those pictures in.

[00:15:25] Again, we meet you where you are, we make it work and, and it does become seamless. We also ask for. 45 minutes of movement a day. That can be when people are on their vacations. A walk on the beach with your kids, a bike ride hitting the gym. Strength training. Going on the treadmill, playing tennis, going out for round of golf with your husband on a Sunday afternoon.

[00:15:48] It's just active daily movement that we're looking for and, and 45 minutes would be ideal. Some people can't do that, so we'll do 20 minutes, 30 minutes. I've gone through three major knee surgeries in 18 months and recovered fully and the entire time I was still all in when I did it. And so I coach many clients who are dealing with issues like surgeries, hip issues.

[00:16:09] Back issues and we do what they can do and some don't, even at this point, until they're fully healed, we're just staying on top of like food accountability and having their choices to, to maintain that healthy lifestyle in that respect. So again, it really depends upon where the client is, what they're able to do.

[00:16:27] But I always encourage someone who is perhaps awaiting a surgery or recovering from a surgery, don't wait to jump all in. Are you allowed to drink alcohol on all in. With regard to alcohol, if you're doing a jumpstart or kickstart, we, we'd like to recommend that maybe you abstain for the week or two weeks that you're on it.

[00:16:46] However, with that said as I mentioned as a company and how we've transformed I. I always tell clients, life is meant to be lived to the fullest, and we want you to enjoy yourself, and if this is going to be part of your life moving forward, since we're creating a lifestyle, then yes, alcohol is permitted in moderation because everything in moderation is what works best.

[00:17:08] So if you have business dinner out, if you're traveling with your family, of course we're gonna want you to have that spicy margarita. But again, not every night. Not every day. And again, staying on top of your water and getting your movement and clean fuel in. I had. 

[00:17:20] Chandler Stroud: Professional dinners work, dinners, work, travel, or just wanting to go out with friends on a Saturday night and relax a little and have that glass of wine.

[00:17:28] It was nice to know that I could do that and not berate myself the, you know, following that event or in the next day when the scale is inevitably up two pounds from whatever it was that I drank. You know, it was really nice to know that there was some flexibility there. I think 

[00:17:44] Bonnie Heim: that flexibility is key, and I can't emphasize that enough because as we are creating a lifestyle for ourselves that we want to sustain and maintain, you have to be able to go out and enjoy yourself with friends and with family and, and flexibility is what we, I.

[00:17:59] Chandler Stroud: We preach. You talk a lot about flexibility of the program and with accountability coaching, which I think is maybe surprising for some who have a perception of what it looks like. What is it that keeps them eating the menus that you all send through in the morning? Sending the weight, making sure they get that 45 minutes of movement in each day.

[00:18:19] Bonnie Heim: I think that the bond with your coach and the trust that you have with each other is really, really. A, a, a key point. I also will say to clients that when you are starting out, you're gonna feel good within the first two to three days. And you do. I mean, you have to admit, you do. When you start really taking care of your body and moving your body and getting the proper hydration in and getting the food choices in, within two to three days, you're feeling really good day.

[00:18:45] And on a humorous note, I still do exactly what you do. I do scale and workout with a coach myself, so it's just. Everything that we do is meant to last. And I think they stay because they feel supported. And you know, they'll, they'll go away, but they come back when clients will take a pause because they feel good where they are.

[00:19:05] And that's wonderful. That's our goal. But then they come back, that tells me, okay, they've got their healthy habits in full swing and they need a refresh, and they want that reset. And so that tells me we're making an impact on the fact that. We can come back and start again and, and not all over, but just healthy habits to get back in the swing.

[00:19:24] I 

[00:19:24] Chandler Stroud: mean, I Boomeranged so can attest. It was so helpful to know that you and all in were there for me when I felt like I just needed a little bit of support. To get over the finish line for my own goals. For those who may not be ready to join a formal accountability program, like All In, do you have any suggestions for how people can create more accountability for themselves at home?

[00:19:51] I'm a big believer 

[00:19:52] Bonnie Heim: that baby steps have the biggest impact. So a couple tips that I love. If you're not a water drinker, start there. Instead of having your diet sodas or regular sodas or whatever you might be drinking. Incorporate six to eight glances of water a day, and you can set timers on your phone for every 30 to 45 minutes to remind you to drink up.

[00:20:11] I think that's a really good one. Moving, if you are sedentary or if you're not getting out as much when you're shopping, park further away in the parking lot and, and count your steps, walk in, get a step. Tracker on your phone or on your Apple Watch, and I think it's so empowering to see, oh my God, I watched 5,000 steps.

[00:20:30] I watched 8,000. And I have clients that keep upping their steps now each day because they're finding it. So I. Rewarding in terms of food choices. If you're eating sweets late at night, have a hard stop at, let's say 7:00 PM 7:30 PM no more food. Have dinners earlier, adjusted your food choices. If you're not a veggie person.

[00:20:53] I've had clients that have never had a vegetable before coming on all in. Try a new vegetable a day or a week, have a new fruit. Try lighter salad dressings. All these little changes that add up to something far bigger really will have a biggest impact on you. Another great option is if you have a friend that wants to start doing something as set a date for coffee.

[00:21:15] Walk together. Have her hold you accountable. Meet somewhere for workouts, check in with each other. A buddy system works, accountability works, and whether it's a family member or a friend, whoever it may be. That person could be your new accountability partner. 

[00:21:36] Chandler Stroud: What is a boundary, a personal boundary, as you would describe it to listeners?

[00:21:41] Bonnie Heim: So I think a boundary, speaking personally and for every individual is a line that they draw in the sand. As to what they are comfortable in doing, what empowers them and how it can also protect themselves. It's, in my opinion, it is a way that we offer that grace and TLC to ourselves where we are comfortable in moving forward, or we are comfortable in standing where we currently are in time.

[00:22:07] It's not a a comfort zone, it's simply like a circle of protection almost to take care of yourselves. And understand what will help you advance and move forward in the pace that is right for you. I think as women, we find that really difficult because we are such givers and we always want to take on more than we perhaps should.

[00:22:32] So for myself, boundaries come with fueling my body with. I'm gonna start with the basics. What helps me feel my best That it is okay for me to set up a boundary. If, for example, we're out socially, I don't want to drink, it's okay for me to say, I'm not drinking tonight. And yes, you and I know we will have the people that will come at us go, you don't wanna drink?

[00:22:52] Why don't you wanna drink? What's wrong with you? I just don't wanna drink. I'm doing, and my, my response was always, I'm doing something right now that's really helping me feel great and I just don't wanna stop it. But please enjoy your drink and I'm, I'm gonna have whatever, you know, whatever iced tea or, or club soda.

[00:23:08] But I felt good in saying that and, and being able to feel satisfied. And not intimidated, or afraid or guilted into, okay, I'll have a drink. So it began with my food choices, and then it also began with movement. And I never had enough time or took enough time for myself during the days. I always made an excuse as to why I couldn't do something.

[00:23:31] So setting up a boundary if someone asked me to meet them or connect with them by saying, no, I'm sorry. I'm gonna go for a run, but I can meet you afterwards. Or, I'm going to go for a run or a bike ride. I can, I can catch up with you later on. Allowing yourself to take care of yourself and offer yourself that gift of grace and TLCI think is one of the most important things I learned about.

[00:23:55] Not only saying no, but, but the boundaries that protect me and that it's okay for me to do that because I'll just improve and get better with age, with time, with everything that I'm doing to enhance my lifestyle and what, what we are creating. And I also say that it, it's really, in my opinion, listening to that voice inside of you or your gut or your intuition that tells you.

[00:24:19] Yes, this is for you. Yes, you need to go after this, or no, hold back. Protect yourself. You don't need to do this right now. It's that intuition that as women, I think we all have and sometimes we ignore, and it's really important that we listen to ourselves. 

[00:24:33] Chandler Stroud: Well, I couldn't agree more. And that is honestly the impetus of this entire show.

[00:24:37] Yeah. Is to help women reconnect with their intuition. Right. That deeper knowing, 

[00:24:41] right. 

[00:24:42] Chandler Stroud: So that you guys can create those boundaries for yourselves, because you're right, we've been trained and conditioned for. So long to look outside of us for that praise, for the worth, for all the things. And I think it's so hard, especially these days, to understand if what you're hearing is your own intuition, really tuning out the world and connecting with that again.

[00:25:02] And that's what a lot of these modalities do. They forcibly help you refine, rediscover. Your intuition. 

[00:25:10] Bonnie Heim: As I said, I think, I think as women, we try to do so much for everyone and that when we pull back and when we take care of ourselves or protect ourselves, that's when we shine the brightest. 

[00:25:20] Chandler Stroud: I. I totally agree.

[00:25:21] And that leads me to my follow up question, which is why do you think boundaries are so important for women? Oh goodness. To establish for themselves. 

[00:25:29] Bonnie Heim: I think it is the greatest gift we can give ourselves, to be honest with you. We are such doers and movers and shakers and givers, and we give to the detriment of taking care of ourselves.

[00:25:42] And that's where sometimes we can become lost. I know I personally did. I. Did not set up boundaries. I said yes to everything. I accepted every offer. I took advantage of every opportunity. And there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, that's wonderful, but when you're not taking yourself care of yourself, I.

[00:26:04] You lose control, and I think that's one of the key things that I learned about All In, is that we grab back our control and we, we help you with tools in terms of how you fuel your body, how you move your body, how you think to understand that it's okay to. Allow those boundaries to stay firmly in place or to be blurred when you want to do something that perhaps you, you want to say yes to, and you can kind of halfway in on it.

[00:26:31] The analogy I always think of is with the Wizard of Oz, do you remember when Dorothy had the red shoes on? And the good witch. Glenda says, the power has always been yours. And that's what I feel with clients. Like, it literally gives me goosebumps. What I didn't realize until going all in was the power had always been mine to.

[00:26:53] Control the boundaries to say no, to do what I wanted to do, to take care of myself. And I think that's what we lose sight of. We don't realize the control has always been there. We just need to grab it back. 

[00:27:05] Chandler Stroud: I completely agree with what you're saying, but I do think it's so hard to do. That is also why all in is so helpful and this type of accountability coaching, because what it did was it gave me a permission slip, right?

[00:27:19] Right. To create boundaries for myself. Right. And even if I didn't know deep within myself what boundaries I wanted to draw for myself. Right, right. It gave me, Hey, borrow my boundaries. All in is saying, here are some boundaries that we are loaning to you, Chandler, that you can call your own until you're comfortable creating your own.

[00:27:39] Right. It gave me the boundaries that I didn't know how to create for myself, and I think that's so. Powerful because not only did it give me boundaries on loan, but while those boundaries were in place, it was teaching me how to create my own and to take that to the next level and create boundaries, not just as it relates to health and wellness, but throughout other areas of my life.

[00:28:05] And that's so powerful. 'cause it is so hard to do. When I first began 

[00:28:09] Bonnie Heim: all in, I. I dunno if you felt the same way, but I was literally, I felt like I was dipping my toe in, you know, treading very carefully, very softly, and learning not only how to grab back my power, but the things that were important to me, the things that mattered.

[00:28:25] And yes, they were boundaries. I didn't realize it at that time, but they were. So, I can't tell you how many times I will or how often I will work with clients and they'll say, well, I've got a big dinner to, to go out to, and I, I don't know what I can do and I don't know what I can. And I'm just, I always say to them, I'm here to help you.

[00:28:41] We will, we will go through the menu. We'll pick out what you have. It's okay to say no. It's okay to have the boundaries as to what makes you feel your best. And I think I, I always am grasping, why is it so hard for some people? I. But then I look back at myself, it was hard for me. Until you get into that routine and habit of understanding that boundaries are good.

[00:29:02] They're not a bad thing, they are self-love. They are bringing the balance back into your life. Once you realize that it's okay to do that and take care of yourself too, like your whole world changes. 

[00:29:14] Chandler Stroud: Yeah, it does. In. Momentous waves. Yeah. But I think what is so hard listening to you talk is just, I think, so often women in particular feel a sense of guilt for putting themselves first.

[00:29:30] Yeah. And creating those boundaries for themselves. Right. Right. Whatever they may be. Right. Right. And I think that is, you know, certainly a challenge in understanding that choosing yourself is okay. Right. It is okay to take care of yourself first. And I think that is sometimes the issue with a lot of the self-care talk that we hear today there.

[00:29:53] It's been so widely adopted in places that it never was really talked about before. You know, fortune 500 corporations or rolling out self-care and wellness programs for their employees, for example. And I think it's still, while, while it's there, there's something that. I think prevents women from going all in on the self-care because it feels sometimes selfish, not to be cliche.

[00:30:17] Bonnie Heim: Once you start feeling really good and you begin understanding the habits that you're creating and how they matter and how they personally affect you, like once you start eating cleanly for, I will be honest with you, two to three days, you wake up clearer, you feel more positive. And I'm not even talking about a scale or weight loss, it's just a clarity that you gain.

[00:30:39] So once you start. For myself personally, with the boundaries, yes, it's hard to, to do something for ourselves, but once you start realizing the positive impact you're having on yourself, when you make these small incremental changes daily, it just fuels your desire to continue on and, and then you wanna become more protective about what you're creating because you are creating a lifestyle.

[00:31:02] You are, and in some ways, you're recreating yourself 

[00:31:05] Chandler Stroud: in many ways. You're recreating yourself. Yeah, absolutely. Many ways. Right. But I love what you talked about specifically as it relates to the clean fuel and movement, because we've been talking a lot about the commitment to yourself and you know, growing that muscle of learning to create the boundaries and the permission slip to say no.

[00:31:23] All in is your permission slip to say, I don't want the drink, I don't want the, no thank you. It's just simply saying, no, 

[00:31:28] Bonnie Heim: thank you. Right. 

[00:31:29] Chandler Stroud: Yeah, but that's so hard. Right? That is so hard for so many women. Right. But I think the other thing it does is the immediate gratification of what you're saying within a few days.

[00:31:39] Right? You feel so different. You do, you do. You have energy. Yeah. You're positive. You're fueling your body with good clean fuel, like. This is not people who are eating McDonald's every day and making this shift. I mean, like just committing to yourself to move and go for a walk every day. Even for someone like me who was eating very healthily before I even joined the program was a huge shift.

[00:32:03] I mean, I felt better very quickly. 

[00:32:06] Bonnie Heim: It is mind blowing how quickly your life can change with just some small incremental steps in the right direction. And I would wake up when I began all in. Not feeling any guilt knowing that I had taken care of myself the day before, knowing that I had another day to do the exact same thing.

[00:32:25] I didn't wanna stop. Yes, it's okay to say no, and you can say it in the nicest possible way. One of my friends years ago, dear, dear friend to this day, said, she goes, you know, Bonnie, you're going, you have a problem saying no. You're gonna have to learn how to say no. And I started laughing because I was, I would take any job on and yes, yes, yes.

[00:32:42] She said, here's the what you have to do. You're gonna have to say, I'm afraid I'm going to have to say no. And she said, by adding in afraid, it simply means that, gosh, I would like to say yes to you, but for now I'm going to take care of myself and I'm unable to. And I loved that. So now I, I, I will just lead with, I, so sorry.

[00:33:00] I'm gonna, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say no, and I don't feel any guilt. I don't feel any. Remorse. I just, I feel like, okay, I'm protecting myself. I'm taking care of myself. So yes, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say no.

[00:33:15] I think until we are present. And actively choosing to explore who we are from the inside out. That's when we really take control and charge of our lives. And personally, you're looking for the next best job. You're looking for the next best workout. You're looking for the next best guy or partner or friendship.

[00:33:37] And when you take it back to. What makes you happiest? You focus on what's meaningful to you instead of what you think is meaningful to other people. We're not just chasing or keeping up with the Joneses. We're not just looking for the next best thing. For myself personally, when I really discovered that this journey was about so much more than just the weight loss for me.

[00:34:00] It was the way I woke up in the morning. It was the way I moved through my days. It was the way I treated other people. It was the way I handled situations that perhaps were out of my control when I always wanted to control the chaos, I realized that by just. Taking things one step at a time. Reexamining how I feel about anything and redefining it for myself is what helped me move forward in every single aspect of my life.

[00:34:28] Chandler Stroud: I think you touched on something really important, which is you talk about redefining it. Mm-hmm. For yourself. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I think so often we live our lives according to the rules. That our environment sets for us. Yes. Right? Here's what everybody else is wearing, right? Here's what everybody else is doing.

[00:34:47] Right. It. It is so freeing, but also acknowledging it's so hard to take that step back and think about what you really want and be comfortable going after it, even if it means it's a departure or detour from what everyone else is doing around you. And I think the other important thing I would just quickly say is like, this is built into our DNA, right?

[00:35:12] Like as humans. As cavemen wave back, like if you weren't part of the tribe, you didn't survive. So like there is some element I think of needing to fit in that we're kind of in many ways, resisting and pushing against when you drop into yourself and figure out what you want and go after that. And that's what makes it, I mean, amongst many other things so hard and so scary, right?

[00:35:39] Yes. 'cause we're conditioned to want to do what everybody else around us is doing. 

[00:35:43] Bonnie Heim: We want to fit in. And what I realized was that it was okay not to fit in. It was okay to go out on a limb and find something that actually made me happy. I was so used to pleasing everyone else and doing everything for everyone else as well.

[00:35:58] That I really wasn't taking care of myself. So when I talk about redefining who we are and what we want out of life, what I learned, which is kind of interesting because change can be hard as I always like to say, is that you are able to redefine your taste in food, your taste in music, your taste in who you hang out with.

[00:36:20] And even the movies and TV shows and programs we watch in books that we read. You're not stuck. You can change at any age and at any time, and I think that was one of the things where I had always been maybe why I was stuck because I was resistant to change. I didn't think that I would like this healthy lifestyle.

[00:36:39] I didn't think I would thrive with the clean food. I didn't think that the movement each day would be the passion in my life and missing a day of working out or walking out or moving my body. Really, really affected me emotionally and mentally as well. So it's just you're redefining every aspect of your life so that you can move forward in the most adventurous, positive, and balanced way.

[00:37:07] And as I always like to say now and for your future,

[00:37:13] I think self-trust means that I know there's not one right answer. That we all have to figure out what works for ourselves individually. So whether that is facing your fears, because that's where opportunity lies in my humble opinion. By facing the fears, you're not turning your back on your dreams and you're able to reach for more self-trust is.

[00:37:36] Building a stronger relationship within yourself and realizing that anything you set your mind to do, you can conquer. And so whether that means doing something like a visual board, creating non-negotiables for yourself, which I'm a big believer in right now, I have several clients that aren't believing in themselves.

[00:37:54] And so I always like to say, what can you do today? It doesn't have to be big because sometimes when you start something new and you aren't trusting yourself or believing in your capabilities, you don't understand where you can go and how far you can, what you can achieve, and so the non-negotiables can be so simple, whether it is reading a book.

[00:38:19] Getting a walk-in. What are you going to do for yourself today? It's funny, someone sent me something this morning and I love it, and it says that you need three daily wins. You need a physical win, which is exercise, walking, running, swimming, hiking, going, getting coffee with a friend, and, and including a walk-in there.

[00:38:38] You need a mental win, which can be reading, writing, meditating, creating. You know, just coming back from Happy camp, just the, the painting, something simple like that, that you're doing for yourself that you normally would not do, and you need a spiritual win, which I'm a very big believer in that. Whether it is you are leaning into your faith, whether you are taking time for meditation, I personally love slow breathing.

[00:39:02] Those are the wins. That help you build up the trust. They are, in my opinion, the non-negotiables, that if you give that gift to yourself each day, you will be blown away by what more you can accomplish.

[00:39:20] Chandler Stroud: Why is. Following through on commitment. So vital to self-trust. And how do you help clients develop the discipline to stick to their goals? 

[00:39:29] Bonnie Heim: I'm gonna give you a little analogy where it was one of my morning messages that I wrote a while ago, and it comes from, my son's all played football, lacrosse, and hockey.

[00:39:39] And they had this outstanding football coach. They had t-shirts made each year, and it said, LO 48. And I was like, oh, that's cute. You know, I really had no idea what the 48 meant. You know, you have 48 minutes in the game. And so my morning message a while ago was what, if you think about dividing your day into quarters, or in that case 48 minutes for the team.

[00:40:05] You might not do really well in the first quarter of your day or the first five minutes of the game, but you've got 43 minutes left in that game. You have another quarter. So let's say our morning isn't terrific. We wake up, we don't have a good breakfast. You could flip that switch, you can turn it around, and you can build that trust within yourself by doing well in the second quarter.

[00:40:25] So when we take small bites out of a day, or your goals, or what you have set up for yourself to do each day, I think it's a really, really cool philosophy. I love that quarter. Outlook. I like thinking I went out to dinner last night. My, my fourth quarter was not terrific, but I have another day tomorrow and I'm gonna hit that first quarter of my day really, really hard and do well.

[00:40:50] We can always pick things back up. You can always flip that mindset, get back on track, jump all in. And to this day, my boys carry that lo 48 philosophy with them because however many minutes you have in the day, you can always. Do something that is so positive for yourself. In whatever way matters most to you.

[00:41:13] And I, I just love that philosophy. 

[00:41:15] Chandler Stroud: I think that's a great philosophy and one that is probably gonna resonate with a lot of listeners. 'cause how often do we wake up and do something we immediately regret and think, well, I. Day's gone. Might as well just keep eating like this the rest of the day. Or I missed my workout.

[00:41:31] I guess I should, you know, go get a giant something in the afternoon, sugar rush. It's really cool to say, Hey, we can turn this around. I love thinking about that game analogy. 

[00:41:43] Bonnie Heim: Well, that was me. Like if I did something wrong one day before I went all in, I was like, oh, I'm done blowing it. Might as well blow it even more, right?

[00:41:49] Yep. And, and I think that's what I want clients to understand is the day's not over. The game's not over. The journey's not over. We have nothing but time to continue to add up and stack up all those good wins to contribute to an even bigger and brighter future. So yeah, I think it's, it was kind of cool.

[00:42:07] Now I understand what that LO 48 means, and I, I love it and I live by it.